March 29, 2009

  • True Obsession

    UPDATE: IT IS DONE. Thanks, all. Thanks. I mean it. I am not gong to forget the "little people" although yes, I am at a point where you are now "little." I want to thank my family, my mom (who does not read this or know I have it or know how to get here or know how to spell "sjhang-gah"), and oh yes, God, who every rapper thanks for all their bling... why I am being facetious about this I do not know but I do know that it was all just mockery except for the fact that He indeed fills me. I am truly beyond joyful that He has become my anchor. The struggle to get there... all worth it. The TRUE badge? Moth and rust.
    ____

    Stupid Calvin Klein commercials. How is it that advertising can ruin a word? Every time I see the word 'obsession' there's an echo of it in my head, except that it's some weird whispered voice-over.

    Anyway, I have a confession. Yes, another one. (What was the last one? I don't know. Maybe it was about the GPS.) Man, if I was Catholic, Xanga would be a perfect outlet for me. Too bad Xanga can't forgive sins.... ("Forgive me, Xanga, for I have sinned... it has been... oh, a few hours maybe, since my last post... er, confession...")

    This is getting a little out of hand. I mean, it's not a terrible obsession (whisper:obsession) as far as they can go... and in fact, it's been quite "good for the community" (I am starting to make this stuff up), but it is obsessive nonetheless.

    It's about the TRUE status. I am rolling my eyes at myself. I know, I know. It's dumb. It's not really about the badges... I have the "life" badge and the "premium" badge (the latter is incidentally a default if you have 'life') but I choose not to display the badges. But for some reason, I am 95% (or maybe it was 96% the last time I checked, which ought to be fresh since it was probably TWO MINUTES AGO) to the mark, and I am trying to restrain myself. The status indicator tells me something along the lines of: "You need to comment more. Real TRUE users do that, you know."

    So I've been commenting. And reading more. And contributing.

    Terrible, isn't it?

    And all for a badge that I may or may not choose to show.

    Help me.

    I don't even know why. What is it for? What is it about? Why do I want it? I guess I feel like I'm entitled to it. I mean, I've been on this thing FOREVER. If you count 5 years to be forever. That's half a decade. Don't I get any points for loyalty? (Don't tell anyone about my secret wordpress blog. Ahem. Huh? What blog?)

    It's an addiction. I know it. But I am easing myself into it, see? And please note that if I do comment, it's really because I want to, and not because it is one more notch in my TRUE belt. I do have standards, you know. And I suppose it's not 'out of hand' because it's not interfering with the quality of my life or my regularly scheduled life activities... ...yet.

    Do you think we're geared to be like this? Obsessive? (I am trying to avoid that word and that voice-over.) Were we made to be people who are capable of completely immersing ourselves in a love? Personally, I find that to be true. This goes back to the whole image of God thing. We were meant to be monogamous in mind, body, and spirit. This whole 'sin' thing really is cramping our style. We are individuals whose minds were perfected for single-mindedness in a world of dichotomies.

    Not that I'm endorsing having a closed mind. The single-mindedness is not the same as close-mindedness. I'm just saying that perhaps we were made to have an obsession. (whisper:obsession) We were made to love God with all our hearts, minds, souls, and strengths. And yet here we find ourselves, fighting the insult of old age, osteoporosis, myopia, degenerating nerve cells, muscle cells, brain cells... decaying social relationships....

    I'm hopeful of a better future. I'm hopeful for a look into how things were supposed to be. This concept intrigues me. How is it like to live life the way it was made to be? I'm on my way to finding out, brothers, sisters, on this great road home. On my way!

    Until then... my heart will go on singing. (And I probably will keep on commenting.) Almost there. Almost. Almost.

Comments (12)

  • Meh. I was the same way until I got mine.  I've been here over six years.  I'm not sure if we're geared to be obsessive... but I can understand why you would feel that way about TRUE, having been here so long.  Good luck with your badge.

  • @xthread - yeah, i'm sure it'll pass.  thanks for the wishes.  i'm just gonna let it get there naturally.  ahem.  

  • Badges?  We don't need no stinkin' badges!   Thanks for the visit.  You are welcome to steal whatever teaching ideas you want to adapt them to what you teach.  Thanks for the visit and nice comment.

  • Jen, I don't even know what TRUE is.  I've been on this for almost 4 years.  Care to enlighten me?  Maybe I'll just google it.  :)   In the meantime, I'll sing-a-long with you...

  • @rAmOsEs -  it's ok. i didn't know what it was either, and really, it's just a little badge.  see those people above your comment with those little things next to their name?  It's basically that.  Here's a link if you want to look at it.  it's not that in-depth, but hey, it works: http://help.xanga.com/whatistrue.htm  what are you singing?  let's sing.  i've been humming 'Rock of Ages.'  =)  

  • AH HA!  I googled it and was pleasantly surprised that you had already commented on our site!  Isn't that a wonderful story?!  I'd like to remember that one.  God is so good, Jen.  Anyway, so I've figured out what TRUE is and am wondering how in the world you knew that you just needed one more comment.  How?!

  • @rAmOsEs - hahaha.  

    Did I ever tell you the story about my friend's son in Michigan?  About him wanting to stay nine years old forever?  i wrote a post about it once.  Seriously, I think I almost lost it then too.  You should totally remember this one.  
    About the TRUE...  i don't know if there's an easier way, but if you go to your homepage (not xanga's frontpage), and click on "settings" (on the left hand column; last one where it says "home, subscriptions, messages..." etc. 
    Once you click on 'settings' it opens up a menu.  Select "Premium."  (It's under the bold "Account Info")
    Once there, click "badges" on the left menu.  It should give you your status.  =) 

  • AHOY!  (As you would say.)  I'm at 67%.  It says that I need to comment more.  Well, considering that you are my only friend that consistently blogs (and the only person's that I really read anyway), I'll have to comment on yours a lot to earn this badge thing.  :)   AND, I love that we're having a "chat" conversation via xanga.  This will truly aid in my goal to become TRUE as you are. 

  • @rAmOsEs - haha.  you can comment on me as much as you want!  i like chatting via xanga comment too.  i makes it seem like i have lot of commenters when it's really just me replying to you.  =P   miss you Jude!

  • @rAmOsEs - hey! look at me!  i'm TRUE!  =D  thanks jude, for my golden "last comment."  

  • @xthread - @symbolreader - hey! look, ma! a TRUE badge! i'm surprisingly very happy at myself.  here's a pat on my own back.  now to decide how long i want to keep this badge up or if i want to at all...  thanks for your wise words.s.  

  • @jensa07 - :D Congrats.

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