May 29, 2009

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  The past few days have been a mixed bag for me.

  I watched my students graduate on Sunday, and I was so happy for them that I didn't have to worry about crying. I remembered my own High School graduation and how happy I was. (See previous post for other details.)

  This week has been a torture--ahem, I mean, a necessary evil--ahem, I mean, a great meeting among colleagues in what we call 'post session.'

  I hate meetings like these. Well, to be fair, it wasn't all that terrible. But it wasn't a bowl of ice cream, that's for sure.

  I like meetings which are quick, to-the-point, gripe-less, efficient, and fruitful. These... tend to be much the opposite. Is it normal to discuss dress code for 2 hours? Someone tell me. All in all, it's not too terrible. It's good to spend some time with the faculty, anyway.

  I miss my students. Like, a whole lot. I had a few of them over last night and we spent a while together. It was nice. Looking to the summer, I almost feel... fear. Isn't that funny? I think it is. Fear. It's the best feeling I can use to describe this sensation. CS Lewis said that grief feels a lot like fear. Maybe that's what it is... grief. Man. What have these kids done to me?! ? ?

  So now I'm done. I don't know why I feel unsettled. Part of me wants to stay here. Yes, over the summer. And just wait for the kids to drop by and say hi. (And I know they would!) I can't wrap my mind around why this is. It's too exhausting to try so I've just given up and will let it be.

  I wonder if, when Jesus shouted, "It is finished!" He felt what I do now. Not that my 'finishing' is any close to His by any stretch of the imagination. But after a long, exhausting, fun, sad, completely-emptying-out experience, "finished" is a funny word. It's a mix of joy (not much of this: more of an anticipation, really), relief (a lot of that), nostalgia (oh yeah), and grief (I'm gonna miss these guys.) I'm sure the feeling of dread will pass as I get in Beannie and say goodbye to the rapidly disappearing town in VA through my rearview mirror and remember what it's like to have a life.

  But I'll be back. That gives me joy. I'll have much more to do, and will do it better. That give me joy too. And I suppose Christ too felt joy knowing that it is over, but there will be much more to do, and the ability to do it on a much larger scale...

  So here's to next year! And here's to having a BLAST over the summer. Watch out, Fun. We're about to get reacquainted. =)

  • 5:00 pm
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