May 17, 2010

• Unmerited

  Do you think maybe the picture of the triangles in my previous post scares people away?  Maybe.  Maybe.  I still like them.  

  

  Gratuitous faceball picture.  Because life can be a pain sometimes.  

  I was thinking this morning.  Epiphanizing, is more like it.  I was kneeling on my little prayer rug, having my morning chat with God, and I remember saying, "Thanks, God, for all you do..."  Nothing special, really.  Just a small praise.  You know, for sustaining me, keeping me, et cetra [sic].  

  Because I mean, for reals, God is doing so much.  When I try to break it down, I realize how dependent I am on His wisdom to uphold me.  He is so my anchor that it's hard for me to see life the way I used to.  And it used to be pretty dismal. 

  So I was praying, "Thanks, God, for all you do..." and that word echoed in my mind.  Do...  

  And I considered it.  Does God love me for what I do?  Certainly, there are some lovable things that I might do that may be pleasing to Him, but the heart of Christianity (Protestant, anyway) is that we are saved solely by grace, and "that not of ourselves."  (Ephesians 2:8)  (And if I really consider it, the things that I do that are very NOT lovable far outweigh the former things.)  We are loved by God, not because of what we do, but because...  because He just loves us.  If it were based on our actions, this generation would not exist to move too fast to enjoy the life we're living.  We are His image, His children, His.  This love is without merit.  It has not been bought.  In the beginning and in the end, we are made just and righteous completely apart from what we have done.  It is because of what He has done. 

  Because of this, we can be comfortable in the God who works.  The God who works for us, does things for us, died for us, rose for us, and reigns for us.  But all that aside, is this love one-sided?  Is God to love us for who we are, and we to love God for what He does for us?  Sure, I've thanked God because of who He is, but what does that mean?  Can I love Him when He does things, and when He does not?  When He answers my prayers the way I want, and when He doesn't?  When He makes Himself feel close by, and when He doesn't?  When He seems to merit it or not?  

  I think faith, as it matures, recognizes that trust and confidence necessarily entails a love for God as who He is, not just what He does.  I am remembering Job, who cried out even in his anguish, "Though He slay me, yet will I trust Him." (Job 13:15)

  Just as we are saved by grace, let us love by grace.  And that not just towards God, the lover of our own souls, but towards mankind, who makes it that much more difficult to love with a love that is more than love, to not-so-unintentionally quote Poe.   

  That is all for today.  I am sleepy, and my eye has been feeling tender for a few days now.  I don't know what's wrong with it.  Finals week for seniors and next week is going to be crazy.  I am behind in many aspects of the word.  If I think about it, my heart does thing it only remembers doing far-and-away ago when I liked a boy.  (Freedom is nice.)  And this is definitely not that kind of situation.  

  I realized today that I really don't like any shape that has more than 4 sides.  They just complicate the matter.  Leave me with my triangles.  

   

   

  • 6:50 pm
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