Month: August 2012

  • Pride, In Its Various Forms

    Pride, in the Christian community, isn’t always associated with the best of things. It is the beast-that-must-be-crushed, the monster in our souls that prevents us from living a life fit for another world. But pride isn’t always a bad thing. To be proud isn’t a bad thing either. To be proud of something is not to be ashamed of it. When I say, “I’m proud of you!” I try to say it rarely, and only when I mean to say that I am honored to have an association. To me, it is not merely a matter of accomplishment. It is a matter of love. It is a matter of if someone says, “And who stands with this person?” I would bound to my feet with both arms raised and shout, “Me!” Love rejoices. 

    I am proud of my God. I am unashamed to claim Him as mine. My actions might betray me, however. I would rather not claim those actions as mine, but they are mine, and they must be addressed. 

    I am proud of my family. I truly know that I am who I am because of their influence in my life. This is not an unusual thing–but it is the type of influence they have had which I am most grateful for, and most awestruck by. 

    And what of shame? Is shame the opposite of pride? Or is it apathy, the generic enemy of all things good? 

    I have this little devotional book I am reading. It’s pretty good, and pretty soon I’ll have a review up on http://bookwoms.wordpress.com/ about it. The selection that will follow is from a woman named Catherine of Genoa (from her book, Life and Teachings). I was awestruck by it, and I immediately wondered what would happen if all the right-wing, left-wing, fanatical I’m-always-right-er’s took up this passage and followed it. And then I wondered what would happen if I followed it. Because the first sentence of the passage is understandable. The rest is incomprehensible. 

    “…Since I am determined to join myself to God,I find that I am also bound to be the enemy of His enemies. And since I find nothing that is more his enemy than the self that is in me, I am constrained to hate this part of me more than any other. Indeed, because of the war that exists between it and the Spirit, I am determined to separate it from myself and treat it as nothing.” 

    Surrender is insanely difficult. It is, in all practical purposes, impossible. We will never allow ourselves to do so, and even when we try, we are either let down (by our human counterparts) or unsuccessful. I am ashamed of myself and yet proud of myself. I hate who I am, but I embrace it and will not let it go. I know where I want to go, but I do not want to go there. Yes, Paul, wretched are we. 

    “I then saw others who were fighting against their evil inclinations and forcing themselves to resist them. But I saw that the more they struggled against them, the more they committed them. So I said to them, “You are right in lamenting your sins and imperfections, and I would be lamenting with you if it were not for the fact that God is holding me. You cannot defend yourself, and I cannot defend myself. The thing we must do is renounce the care of ourselves unto God who can defend our true self. Only then can God do for us what we cannot do for ourselves.”

    The truth of the matter is, that this is what it means to be proud of God. It means to give ourselves up in full trust to Him. It means to let go of our fears, insecurities, doubts, skepticisms, self-loathing/love… Surrender is probably the smallest door there is, and we must go through it. 

    And the most important truth is that He is the one who was proud of us first. The Truth is that He was not ashamed to be naked on an instrument meant for humiliation and punishment for us, though He did nothing to deserve it. I would stand and shout, “Me!” but He would stand and be mocked. My pride is shattered on the Rock that is Christ. I am ashamed even of my pride because it is pale in comparison to His love for me.