There's an old song that goes, "I have the joy, joy, joy, joy, down in my heart..." 

I've been thinking a lot about joy.  Well, I thought a lot about it and now I'm circling back to see if I can apply any new insights to it.  Sometimes it helps to let things steep for a bit.  Kind of like the thoughts on wonder.  I was going to say something corny about wondering about wonder, but I guess it's too late to save myself from that one.

I think it was Oswald Chambers who first got me thinking about joy...  I remember writing about this, but here's a quick recap:  good friends know how to share joys.  Although I had to think twice at first, the concept that it's easier to share griefs than joys is a true statement.  Friends are not bound by what makes them mutually sad, but what makes them mutually happy.  Sorrows may be universal, but secret joys and satisfactions are what make bonds enjoyable and unique. 

With that said...  how about the Greatest Friendship Ever?  How is it with you and your Best Friend?  What joys do you share with Him? 

I suppose in order to answer those questions, one would have to figure out what this Person's joys were, huh....

This post is already written (somewhere in the recesses of my mind) but for now I must sleep.  Tomorrow is a long day.  This week is threatening to come in like a raging summer typhoon and sweep me along until I am smacked back into consciousness on the great wall of Somewhere in September. 

Who knows though.  I can't keep myself away from this place.

I love my students.

That's it.

In the meantime I would love to hear your thoughts on the joys of Christ.  And I mean more than just the joys of a passing fragrant flower.  Here's a hint of what I'm ruminating on: communion. (Unpacked: with the Father, with friends, with humanity, with family, with us.) Conversion (one more person redeemed.) 

This, like many before it, is titled 'Unfinished.'  I don't know what about that is so appealing to me, but I seem to like things that have the potential to continue on...  hence my overuse of ellipses...  more on this strange trait later.  School has started.  I really believe in revival.  This year or next.  It's coming.  I know it. 

Be sure to check out the vid below this post if you haven't. 

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Untitled

And I
although the ground beneath me crumbles
(could it be at least in part due to my own axe-
wielding prowess?) will stand;
let the wind and rain
(hail stones, snow drifts, debris
from F5 tornadoes) come.  Let them
brush (pour, pound, beat) against
my forward turned face.  Even
let me stumble (scatter, fall apart,
shake, face plant, fall on my

knees.)  But let me get up again
renewed not by my own (insufficient) strength but
by His (almighty one), not through my own
(broken, useless, ropes-of-sand) promises, but through his unchanging
love and faithfulness to me. And me.  And me. 

And I
understanding all of this
already know the wave of the great resistance
approaches (and look! It is already at my door.)  But I
I have Isaiah 59:19* and Proverbs 24:16**
and so much more.  So let me

rise up from these ashes, not the same (or improved,
or modified, or refurbished) creature, but one
altogether different (new, fresh, redeemed,
forgiven!), created in the image of God,
ready, waiting, and (although not always
able) completely willing.

*Isaiah 59:19: "So shall they fear the name of the Lord from the west,
and His glory from the rising of the sun; when the enemy shall come in like a flood,
The Spirit of the Lord shall lift up a standard against him." (NKJV)

**Proverbs 24:16:  "For though a righteous man falls seven times, he rises again..." (NIV)

A video (obviously made in the 60's) of two men and a lion they raised...  no other comments.  Just watch.  Oh, and please don't mind the Whitney Houston music in the background... 

I suppose from a strictly telephonic standpoint, picking up the phone before someone calls is not ony strange but inefficient and improbable.  Mainly because the person calling would get a busy signal of some sort.  But God?  He picks up before we call.  While we are yet speaking, He is able to answer. 

Today, as I was sitting through another fascinating segment of pre-session staff meeting, I made some decisions.  They came with such conviction that I even took out my little notebook and jotted them down.  There was a verse from Nehemiah that was so loud in my head that it was almost as if someone was whispering it in my ear: "..and they said, 'Let us rise up and build.'  So they strengthened their hands for this good work."  (Neh. 2:18.) 

The past school year was a lot of fun.  I really missed my kids over the break.  Some of them showed up during presession this week and I got to chat with them in my office.  It was nice!  But back to this past year.  I was busy.  So busy.  And all that busy-ness left me not enough time to focus on the spiritual needs of my students in the way that I wanted to.  

So this year, I made a commitment.  I'm going to make time.  I'm not going to wait for someone to call on me.  I'm not going to let opportunities pass me by because I haven't put myself out there.  I'm going to strengthen my hands.  I'm going to rise up and build.  I'm going to do it.  I'm going to start right now. 

This is part of what I wrote in my notebook:

"This decision has sprung up an excitement, a hunger, an intense desire, in my heart.  I've missed this.  I want this.  Revival comes in response to prayer.  Let me start praying.  Me.  I will start praying for revival at this school.  Today.  With me."

After I wrote this, we broke for 10 minutes.  While I was admiring some produce that a fellow staff member brought in from his garden (sweet corn!), he approached me to talk.  This man is the chaplain of our school, and a few months ago, I had sent him an email expressing some concern over a week of prayer speaker (the one from Austrailia, for those of you who know what I'm talking about.)  Until now, he had never mentioned it or brought it up.  I never re-broached the topic with him because I sensed that it might be a sensitive topic. 

But as he spoke to me, he told me how he was taking classes at a University (Academialand) and was taking some classes which was really opening his eyes to what was happening in the world.  He took a small class with a professor (Canale) and said it really made him rethink his own practices.  He said he used to teach right from Rick Warren for the past few years and wasn't going to do that any more.  He said he really understood where I was coming from when I wrote that email.  We talked about the emergent movement and postmodernity, the masons and spiritualism in the church, and outlooks for the future of our school.  I was excited.  Things are changing. 

This is a big victory...  I know it doesn't sound that way, but it's an answer to prayer.  I even got to tell him that I wanted a bigger part in campus ministries.  I got to talk to the boys' dean about giving bible studies.  I was astounded when during the meeting a majority of the staff members confessed that they had no idea how to give bible studies or how to even start one...  the pastor said that Bible studies weren't big among Christians these days.  I wanted to raise my hand and say, "But there are those among us..."     

I am so blessed to be a part of this institution.  The staff are so encouraging and supportive.  I truly appreciate that.  I really want to start a revival here.  How's it gonna happen?  I don't know.  But I'm going to pray. 

I've realized that giving my life to God is the most freeing and exhilerating thing I have ever done.  Today, my heart cried out for God to use me however way He directs...  in whatever capacity, wherever He sends.  It's a desire that springs from love and gratitude and an understanding of the freedom that comes with such a decision.  It's strange to think that freedom can come from submission, but experientially it has worked itself out in ways that is difficult to comprehend on paper...

So here I go.  Building.  I'm still coughing, but I hope to be 100% soon.  But most of all, I am happy to be able to be fully dedicated to my God.   

Long silence.  I've been busy, particularly this past week at a campmeeting for Koreans.  It was a crazy time, but it was really great helping out with the high school division...  I'm even more excited to start school again...  I've missed my students.  I'm looking forward to seeing how they've grown over the summer. 

I've been thinking a lot about the struggles we face as Christians.  I feel like we share so much of our triumphs and mountain top experiences, but when it comes to the valleys we are silent.  Perhaps it's because we feel judged.  Unworthy.  Ashamed.  Embarassed.  Uncomfortable.  I'm not sure. 

So I've been thinking a lot about struggles.  Struggles that men face (working w high school boys will do that), struggles that women face (they're not so completely alien from those men face) and the struggles that Christians in general face (whether it be lifestyle issues or philosophical issues of postmodernity.) 

In most cases, when it comes down to it, ultimately it is a matter of the will.  A choice.  The decision-making power of the human being.  The ability for a person to rise up and exercise the ability to think and do what they have willed.  No matter how difficult, or how sorely pressed. 

Here's a great exerpt from the book, Counsels on Health.  It sounds a lot like Steps to Christ, but with a twist:

"The self-indulgent ' [man/woman] must be led to see and feel that great moral renovation is necessary...  God calls upon them to arouse, and in the strength of Christ win back the God-given manhood that has been sacrificed through sinful indulgence...

"Feeling the terrible power of temptation, the drawing of desire that leads to indulgence, many cry out in despair, "I cannot resist evil."  Tell them that they can, and they must resist.  They may have been overcome again and again, but it need not always be thus.  They are weak in moral power, controlled by the habits of a life of sin.  Their promises and resolutions are like ropes of sand.  The knowledge of his broken promises and forfeited pledges weakens their confidence in their sincerity and causes them to feel that God cannot accept them or work with their efforts.  But they need not despair...

"Through the right exercise of the will, and entire change may be made in the life.  By yielding the will up to Christ, we ally ourselves with divine power...  A pure and noble life, a life of victory over appetite and lust, is possible to everyone who will unite his weak, wavering human will to the omnipotent, unwavering will of God...

"For every soul struggling to rise from a life of sin to a life of purity, the great element of power abides in the only 'name  under heaven, given among men, whereby we must be saved.'  'If any man thirst,' for restful hope, for deliverance from sinful propensities, Christ says, 'let him come unto Me, and drink.'  The only remedy for vice is the grace and power of Christ."

--

I shared this verse with my girls at campmeeting, and was glad to hear it shared with the larger group: "A just man falls seven times and gets back up again, but the wicked falls into mischief."  (Proverbs 24:16) Justness is not dependent on behavioral characteristics.  As I tell my Psychology students, "God is not a behaviorist."  The question is how many times a person is able to get back up, not how many times they are beaten down... 

Today I'm thinking about Psalm 1.  

"Blessed is the man that does not walk in the counsel of the wicked, or stand in the way of sinners, or sit in the seat of mockers.  But his delight is in the law of the Lord and on his law he meditates day and night..."

My dad made me memorize this chapter when I was a kid, but I never really got the implications of it.  I got the last part when it talks about people of God being like well-watered, rooted trees, but I've learned to appreciate the significance of the earlier verses.

Blessed.  Happy.  Content.  Cared for.  Blessed is the man who does not walk, stand, or sit with those God has called them to avoid...  whether it be actively walking (character-wise or in lifestyle), passively standing (not calling attention or being bold) or sitting (being identified) with them.  Blessed is this man...

"Did we in our own strength confide?  Our striving would be losing... 
...And though this world with devils filled should threaten to undo us,
We will not fear for God has willed His strength to triumph through us..."

When it comes to sin, we are a ragtag group.  This group is far from perfect.  We are united not in moral perfection, but in crying out to Christ.  We are not completely pure or of upstanding integrity.  But when we fall, we rise up again.  And again.  And again. 

I wish there had been a campus ministry for me when I was in college.  I have a burden for it now, not only because I believe in the efficacy campus ministries, but because I trust the credibility and quality of this particular program. 

or, the Christian Walk

I had this amazing poem floating around in my head and now it’s gone.  I also had this really interesting dream I had which seemed to hold the promise of some fantastic interpretation, but that’s gone too.  Poof.  How does that happen?  What is it about memory that it holds on to some insignificant random event (a soundbite from a movie?) and not something that you tell yourself over and over “I should remember this…”? 

Anyway.  I’m resting.  And gaining weight.  And getting dark.  I’ll probably be pulled out of line at the airport like I used to a few summers ago when I was traveling.  How it is that a Korean girl would get mistaken for a Middle-eastern terrorist, I don’t know.  Granted, I do get pretty dark.   

My professor told me this story one day and my mind goes back to it once in a while.  It's a story about when he was teaching in Thailand, and a girl in his class accidentally dropped her glasses and cracked them.  Her family was destitute and she could not afford to purchase new lenses, so she appealed to him for his prayers.  The class prayed for her, and moved on with the lessons for the day.  He did not see her again for a few days, but when he did, she ran up to him and proclaimed that her glasses had been healed!  Healed, because it was not fixed with any visible human hands.  

His first response?  Skepticism.  She might not have really cracked them in the first place.  He confessed to thinking of all sorts of alternative events that could've explained this event.  Maybe it was just a hair.  Or a line of dirt.  Why would God reach down and restore a pair of glasses in a third world country when He is not attending to the more dire needs of those around her?  Why 'heal' some lenses on a university campus when He could've healed a father, a son, a beloved friend from physical sickness?  Prayers even more urgent than those sent up on behalf of these glasses had been raised for them. 

Because of all these factors, my professor did not believe. 

An email was sent out by a graduate student to the entire address book of her friend who lay dying.  It was a request for prayer to heal her body as it was being ravaged by cancer cells.  My professor (a different one) presented this letter in class and then asked: should I pray for this girl?  He mentioned an incident in which a similar email had been sent out, with a proclamation of faith and peace and confidence in an answer, and even though this professor and hundreds of others responded, this girl passed away.  What is the promise that this girl will be different from the other? he asked.

I've seen people approach God in varying ways: one group sees prayer as a means to manipulate the hand of God: one of those arcade game consoles where you deposit a quarter and move the crane towards your desired prize.  The more coins you have, the greater the chance you get for getting what you want with each separate try.  When this fails, they tend to move towards a different group in which God is seen as being random, unpredictable, and unmanageable.  They see Him as one who will arbitrarily do as He pleases without the concern of prayer or petition. 

Ultimately, most people decide that they can not believe.  That the wisdom of God is just not formulaic enough to invest in.  That because God is not manipulable or predictable, this is not a venture worth risking a future for.  And I suppose in some ways it is discouraging.  But perhaps it is we who must shuffle off a preconceived notion of God that is much smaller and narrower than who He really is.  Perhaps His power is not in doing what we want Him to do, but something much more cosmic than that...   

But then there is a group who seem in tune with God.  Their prayers are answered.  There are consistent miracles.  They are not 'prayer warriors.'  They do not go on prayer walks or cast out demons in the name of Jesus.  They are doctors, teachers, students, pastors, airplane pilots.  I believe their prayers are answered not because of any particular gift or power of their own but because their petitions are in accord with the will of God in their lives.  They are humble but powerful.  Wise and consistent.  Comfortable with being uncomfortable for the cause of God.  Every day.  In every situation.

One of my favorite means of exercise is power walking.  I prefer this over the pilates flap any day.  Besides the fact that it doesn't make me feel like a fool, I like that I can throw in a jog when I feel like it, and that the rhythm of it allows me to think, sing, or just clear my head without too much extra effort.  I like that it give me purpose and direction (I really don't like treadmills) and that I can see the ground that I have passed over and the ground yet to tread.  

Walking is typified in the Bible of character.  It's something you do every day.  I suppose that since they didn't have much other means of transportation back then, walking was fairly common, and walking was purposeful: there was a specific destination in mind.  God said to Abraham (then Abram), "I am the Almighty God, walk before me and be thou perfect."  (Gen 17:1)  The Bible also denotes Enoch as walking with God (Gen 5:22). 

I suppose that is the hardest part of Christianity.  The steady, consistent actions that are in accord with the path of God...  the purposeful not-turning-to-the-right-or-left-come-what-may stepping of the hum-drum, everyday faith.  Or even in those days when things don't make sense.  When you are tempted to see God as being arbitrary.  When you are feeling powerless and the power of God is not a comfort but a myth.  When other people's walks seem to darken your own path...   He bids us continue.  Not in the treadmill walk-in-place type of walking, but the walking that covers a lifetime of miles and horizons of sand, trees, dirt roads, and concrete jungles...   

Isaiah 40:31: But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint. 

When we walk with the LORD in the light of His Word, what a glory He sheds on our way...

I saw this bumper sticker once.  It said, "eat more grass!" or something and there was a picture of a sad cow or chicken or some other oft-consumed farm animal holding up a flower as a peace offering. 

Lately, I've no profound things to write about.  Not much that I am tossing around in my head.  Perhaps this respite is a good thing.  I kind of miss it, though.  Not enough to do something about it. 

I am, however, pondering the power of God.  Perhaps this in itself is so large that it doesn't leave much room for tossing.  I am also pondering the paths we choose to walk on, and the impact this has on our idea of God, spiritual norms, and the power of the gospel... 

And this world seems to provide as many answers as there are people in it...  but the Bible appears to insist that God is powerful.  And there is power in the good news.  (...)  

Sorry.  Got sidetracked after following my curiosity on looking up instances in which 'power' and 'God' appear together at biblegateway (click for the results.  I smell a Bible Study op.)  The bottom line is that God is able.  Here and now.  This idea, lived out and fully confidenced in (I understand this is not a common usage of this word) is revolutionary.  It stretches horizons, redefines boundaries, broadens the mind...  I want to see what He can do in my life as I allow for the opportunities in which He can work in my life. 

There are so many instances (biblically and in current events) of people (and friends) who actively understand God's abilities and work in harmony with the anticipation of His work.  Not in the presumptuous let-my-team-win-this-game activity, but in the expectation that God will do His part and do it well.  I want to give God more opportunities to change my life. 

More on this later.

Back to the bumper stickers.  Did you know that the number of bumper stickers directly correlates to aggressive driving?  And the more, the merrier (or in this case, the rage-ier.)  Check it out: here's the link. 

It doesn't matter what the decal says: Support the police.  Save the plant.  Vote for Nader.  Eat more grass.  It doesn't even matter what kind of car it is.  The explanation (discover mag has a strong evolutionary bend, which is not surprising) is that it's about marking territory.  Read up on it if you're interested.  

Well, I'm off.  Enjoying this period where naps have filled the house...  reminding myself how nice it is to be with good friends, animals, and the stunning beauty of nature and Lake Superior. 

(w edits)

The economy is tanking.  There are wars and rumors of wars.  Real estate is not recovering.  Gas prices are soaring.  But there is news that tops it all:

The bees are dying. 

I know, I know.  Try to calm yourselves down. 

But I'm telling you, this is a big deal.

There was a meeting in Congress last week about it.  All sorts of people were there.  Haagen Daz for one.  This is starting to impact our icecream*.

I know, I know.  Breathe.  I was pretty upset when I heard about this too.

But what's with the big buzz about bees?  Turns out that you need these honeybees to pollinate crops.  In fact, we are so dependent on these bees that they account for some 14 billion dollars worth of produce.  That's billion with a "b."  How does this affect icecream?  Well, think about all those yummy flavors.  No more Chunky Monkey (nuts are included in this produce.)  No more strawberry cheesecake sundaes. 

Mmm....  getting myself hungry.

Frustratingly, since I can't eat anything today.  This makes me very upset.  Stupid body.  Can't keep up.  I haven't been sick all year and I'm hit with this bug/food poisoning/mysterious thing.  I am determined to get better.  There is a cupcake waiting for me when I'm done. 

So what of the bees?  What of this world?  What of our icecream and ok, fruits and nuts and hearty vegetables?  What's happening to our food?  Not only are food prices going up (I told you this would happen early on with the competition for fuel) but the demand will go up too if we can't figure out what's going on with them bees.

One-third of honeybee hives were destroyed last winter...  I actually knew a honeybee farmer when I student taught in Michigan.  They were dying back then, too...  (the bees, not my students...)

In any case...  it seems as though things are taking a turn for the worse.  Life w/o icecream?  Unthinkable. 

What happens when one small thing that works behind the scenes of all big things starts do die off?  What happens (I'm talking practically here) when the one thing everything else depends on starts to falter?  What is that 'one thing' in life?  And what are we supposed to do about it?

*even though icecream, according to the nefarious Bill Gates, is not one word, but two, I think we should stop using two words and start condensing.  How long did it take for racecar to be one palondrimous word?  How long will it take other perfectly one-word-in-their-own-right objects to become united?  Not long.  Not on this blog, anyway.  I'm liberating the space.  And the hyphen, although I am partial to those.  Minus one character on facebook.  Yeah.  Take that. 

Maybe it's something I ate.  Maybe I caught a bug from the baby. 

Whatever the case may be, I am not feeling 100%.  In fact, I feel like I've been dragged a few blocks by a pack of wild horses.  Uphill.  In the rain. 

OK, it's not that bad.  I'm better than I was yesterday, anyway.  Today, the aches are more or less gone, but the exhaustion is still pretty bad.  Does this keep me from being out and about?  And putting things in my stomach that should probably be left empty? 

...I will leave that question unanswered.  Don't judge me because of my love for food.  Tomorrow, I will be more temperate and exercise some self-control. 

In any case, it's been a while.  And here it is.  The followup to my previous entry...  now that I have established that wonder is something that is to be desired, the question now is how does one go about finding it?  What is it, anyway?  Is it even attainable?  Or is it like a boiling pot, in which case it will work best when concentrating on something else? 

I suppose it's like trying to love someone.  Sometimes it just doesn't work that way.  That is, unless you do not believe that love is simply a feeling.  This puts me in luck, since I believe that love is primarily a commitment...  a decision.  Not to negate the emotional side of it, but perhaps wonder too, is not just a rush of feelings.  Perhaps it is also an action...

Oswald Chambers has this to say: "The only way a worker can keep true to God is by being ready for the Lord's surprise visits. It is not service that matters, but intense spiritual reality, expecting Jesus Christ at every turn. This will give our life the attitude of child-wonder which He wants it to have. If we are going to be ready for Jesus Christ, we have to stop being religious (that is, using religion as a higher kind of culture) and be spiritually real."

I've realized that the Adventist church as a denomination has as an integral part of its identity the soon coming of Jesus Christ.  And by soon, I mean imminent.  It seems that every decision the early pioneers made revolved around this concept.  This was their reality.  They were looking for His (literal) surprise visit.  They were looking for Him and expecting Him everywhere.  This was their hermeneutic.  It seems much has changed.    

I realize that this is not unique to my own church, but applies to many other Christian churches as well.  The nearness of His coming, which was so applicable then, is not so real anymore.  We talk about the next 20 years, those marriages, white picket fences, the 2.5 children and our dreams for their growth as if we will be here forever. 

No wonder there is a tension between church doctrine and the world.  The church was built to live one way, and the rules no longer seem to apply.  Christians are settling down when it is not the time to do so.  We talk about 20 years from now not as an inevitable reality.  And when Christ comes, surely He will find us unprepared and we will have him come as a thief in the night.  Not the silent black-clothed cat burglars we know of now, but as the middle-eastern raids that shook your house and turned it inside out and upside down. 

Perhaps wonder is not just a feeling, but a vision.  Perhaps it is the spectacles of hope (there's that word again) that allows you to see the future in the light of His soon return and living your life (and reading the Bible) with that in mind.  Perhaps wonder is appreciation for what is now, and living it according to what is to be.   

Perhaps wonder is not just a matter of curiosity, but also a matter of knowledge.  Even in long-term marriages, the solid ones have a sense of wonder.  Not the curious kind, because surely after a few decades, there is some comfort in familiarity, but a wonder that exists in love and expectation.  The wonder that exists in the marvel that there is still much to learn, much to do, and much to wait for. 

Still brewing.