I'm thinking of signing up for a 5 or 10k.  Not sure though...  I'm kinda enjoying my runs now and I don't want to ruin it with some pesky extrinsic motivation.  Hehe.  But the thought of it is kinda exciting.  I wouldn't mind getting a t-shirt, either.  Even though I only wear t-shirts when I'm running. 

I had the most awesome run today.  I just went and went and went...  I didn't care how long, how far, how whatever.  It was the longest I've been out, and needless to say, the longest distance I've ever gone.  I'm excited at my progress.  Excited and surprised.  Every time I pass the mile mark, I think to myself, Wow, girl, before this, you couldn't even make it this far...  

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I took some of my kids out for a run today.  Man, they're limber.  Made all my self-made goals seem meager.  And here I was, thinking I'd school them a little.  Haha...  well, good thing I don't have a huge ego, or I might never take them out again.  

Signing up for a 5k soon.  I'm bringing the kids.  

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So there's apparently this thing called runner's knee, and I think I have it. Continue reading →

Went to a conference for the past two days.  Three hours away!  Well, technically three and a half, but who's counting?  (Besides me, and ok, the cop that pulled me over?  Don't ask.  I did deserve it.)  I didn't have a real excuse for going so fast on the way there except for the time consideration.  I'd left and timed it so I'd be a hair early for the start time.  And if you didn't know already, I have an odd obsession with being on time for some things.  Apparently, this counts as one of them.

So I have a confession.   Continue reading →

I've been getting better about people seeing me run.  Last time there were a bunch of people at the track and I hit it anyway.  Even when one kid (must've been in Junior High or early High School) looked at me as I passed the basketball courts and said something really idiotic (plus a racist comment.)  Maybe it's because he's such a kid (and I teach kids like him) that I just thought he was dumb.  It didn't bother me a hair.  Maybe it's just people I know that gets me uncomfortable when they're standing around.  Who knows how to navigate this complicated (read: stupid) psyche, anyway?  

This week is going to be weird.  And I came into this week weird.  Ate a lot of really great food.  And by really great, I mean really caloric.  Icecream and brownies with melty fudge inside...  and a dessert smörgåsbord.  Wow.  Spellcheck totally put in all those fancy symbols for me. 

Oksana's been quiet.  Mainly because that whiny voice that hounded me in the beginning has stopped being so...  loud and persistent.  I did a quiet 3-miler today because it was getting dark by the time it was done.  Really, I'm amazed that I can even hit 3 miles without stopping, because when I started, going around the track halfway was a high calling.  Once in a while, she pops up to chime in with only one word: "Shut up."  I realize that might sound like two, but if I can hear it in one breath, that counts as one.  Usually after that word, my whiny self slinks away and it's just me and my breaths.  

Continue reading →

Healthkicker put up my first-day-out blog.  Granted, it's edited to be worse (as most editing goes) but it's there!

Sunday. October 3. 2010.

It's getting chillier out.  

It took me a while to go out.  Really, I don't know why, but I don't like it when people see me exercise.  I think it's about privacy.  You know, people getting "all up in my bih'ness."  I moved to the wrong place.  

As I stepped through my main door to get to my car, my neighbors were out talking on the stoop.  I said a pleasant (my best try at not feeling uncomfortable) hello, and tried not to join in the smalltalk.  One of them looked me up and down.  I hate it when people look me up and down.  It makes me want to ask them if I can pop their eyeballs out and take 'em with me if they want to watch that badly.  Same when I'm in the cafeteria and people oggle my plate.  It's violating, I tell you.  I'm getting over it.  So anyway, eyeball lady (long story behind her, but I won't get into that) says, "You're going...?"  Before she can finish, I said, "I'm going for a run.  See you later!"  The other one says, "I'm proud of you!"  I want to kick her and tell her I could care less about her pride.  

I remember that I'm on PMS Phase 3.  This particular cycle has been a mean one.  I mean, literally, mean.  I will probably feel bad about these thoughts later.  

I get to my circuit, and suddenly, my motivation gets left behind, unlike my pepper spray, keys, and cell phone I regretted putting in my pockets.  I eye the track, and I don't want to hit it running, like I always get myself to do.  There's an ambulance parked there, which I take mental note of.  I wonder how ironic it would be if I collapsed with the ambulance within walking distance.  There are two people already on the circuit, and I'm pretty sure one of them is the driver.  I don't want to hit the thing running. 

I hit the thing running. 

I remember my goal that was met last time I was out.  I don't remember when that was.  Monday, I think.  That was a long time ago.  Maybe I could do it again.  Maybe not.  It's kinda sunny.  It was.  The cloud cover that was pleasant a few moments ago had left, and I squinted into the sky to see when the next respite would be.  Not for a while...  but it was coming.  I'm telling myself that if I did it before, I could do it again. 

If you did it once, you can do it again.  

I so did not want to do it again.  But I kinda did.  I told myself I kinda did.  

And then I did it.

And then I doubled it. 

As I walked off my circuit for another round, I wasn't elated.  I was thinking about the next time I could get out there.  

 

Update: Monday, October 4, 2010.

Went for another run today.

I've never felt better after a run.  NEVER.  I mean, ever.  

I beat my distance (and time) from yesterday, and as I walked to cool down, from somewhere not-so-deep inside (I could swear it was my legs), I heard: I don't want to walk!  Run, you fool, run!

And I did.  I ran and ran and ran.  And I loved it.  Came back.  Didn't even remember going up the Mount Kilimanjaro stairs.  Stretched.  I'm going to step into the shower.  But I'ma remember this day. 

Oksana was proud.

Oh, and I talked to my friend the other day about my whole idea of putting my priorities in order, and how running couldn't be one.  She really set me straight on that one.  Thanks, Jude.  Happy Birthday.  This one's for you. 

 

I always used to think of running as punishment.  I'm gradually trying to get past that...  not until recently did I even realize it was part of me.  I remember being forced awake at 5am to go for 2-mile long jogs.  (We called them jogs, but they were runs.)  I hated every minute.  Every one.  Every day of it.  Once, I woke up and pretended to go to the bathroom.  I was so exhausted, I laid out some towels on the floor and tried to lie down on them.  Two minutes later, I can hear my father calling me from his bedroom: "What are you doing in there?!!"  And then we'd go out and I'd have to suffer my sister and my father criticizing my jogging form.  I've been self-conscious about it ever since.  Until recently.  

And can someone tell me an objective, peer-reviewed, standardly accepted difference between 'jogging' and 'running'?  All I can come up with is that it's subjective, or something about miles per minute, which is always debated.  For me, running is what you do when a giant open-jawed crocodile is coming after you.  Jogging is what you do... whenever else.  I have much to redefine in my mind, I know.  

I met a goal today.  That's crazy, considering where I've come from.  Really, I mean....  crazy.  And I'm pretty happy about it.  

Mondays are supposed to be the time I can dedicate the longest to running.  But daylight is getting sparse.  It's already pretty dark out, and it's just a little past 7.  Considering I don't get home most days (earliest) until 6, things are not looking good.  Am I the only one with a regular job around here?  Feels like it sometimes...  although I wouldn't call what I have a regular job.  Calling someone a pansy in my mind ("Welcome to my EVERYDAY life, PANSY!") if they complain about a single 10 hour workday doesn't seem normal.  

I didn't have to consult Oksana once today.  That's right.  Met my goal, and she just sat back on her heels and watched.  

No, that's not how I imagine her to look like.  

Maybe it's because she was out of my mind today, but I was thinking.  I was with a student today, and normally, I'd spend as much time as he or I wanted...  going over proofs and laws of syllogisms...  Inverses and Contrapositives...  all night until he or I started suffering from malnutrition and I'd take him/her/everyone to Burger King for a meal since they missed dinner.  Today, I got antsy.  I knew my time window.  I ushered him away after we got the first principle down pat.  Tomorrow, I assured him.  

This isn't what I wanted.  This isn't what I want.  But it is.  It is!  I am starting to like the feeling of the wind going through my hair, the sound of my breathing, the feel of my lungs.  Closing my eyes and just doing.  

It had rained all day today, and although I woke up with the intention of going out no matter what, the resolve was starting to ebb.  If this is teaching me anything, it's to propel myself forward before I can change my mind.  My friend told me in the middle of the day (she lives in the same state that I do) that she had just run in the rain.  I thought, well, shoot.  I think I saw an article on this on the blog, "Stuff White People Like."  Something about going for a run in the rain. 

I'm not white.

Well, neither is she.  Continue reading →

You know, as I mature in my Christianity and am starting to sift through the various closets within this house that lie dormant, I'm realizing a few things. 

A lot of my life now isn't really about what I know to be right or not.  My decisions aren't based (for the most part, anyway) on things I'm not certain about.  It's not about ignorance or being uninformed.  Whether I'm correct about these notions is another story.  But it's not that about the know.  It's about the want.  

Let me be more clear.  Sometimes, when it boils down to it, the wrong I often do is conscious.  Willful.  Informed.  I know not to get disgruntled in certain situations, and yet I do.  Because I want to.  I know not to eat another slice of pizza.  But I do.  Because I want to.  I know not to watch another episode in the marathon of Shark Week. But I do.  Because I want to.  These are the more innocuous of the list.  

The pastor here at church once said that when he preaches difficult sermons during an evangelistic series (see Mark of the Beast), the response isn't really confusion.  The response is, "Pastor, I know this is right, and I know it's clear in the Bible.  But right now is just not a good time for me."  They know the right way.  But they don't do it.  Because they don't want to.  It costs too much.  It's not convenient.

Convenience is a luxury.  Only people with options talk about convenience.  Debating between styles of worship is a convenience.  No luxury means you worship at the threat of your own life.  Who's talking about hand-raising or not clapping then?  Perhaps the day when there will be no more convenience will never come; especially for us in the Western world...  perhaps that will be our greatest struggle.  It is the siren call for those who like the path of least resistance.  For those who will always obey the call of the want vs that of the truth.  

 

In class, during one of those devotions that run longer than intended, we talked about knowledge.  Some of them admitted that there are some things they never knew about.  Like the seventh-day Sabbath.  Some of them had been doing it their whole lives.  Some of them had never heard of it before.  Some were surprised to know that the Catholic Church is very public about their power to change a day of worship from one in the Bible to one dictated by the Church (tangent: all excerpts from that link can and should be checked for veracity.)  Some had heard this from the time they were children.    

So clearly, sometimes we do things (or don't do things) because we don't know better.  My problem is weightier.  My problem isn't that I can hide behind a guise of ignorance.  I realize that my problem is the want in my heart.  That's scary to me.  The fact that goodness is so within reach, but I don't have it because...  I don't want it.  

It's like someone was dying of a serious disease, and was offered a drug that is the only known cure.  How crazy would it be if the person turned it away, because they thought it would taste bad?  Because although they knew they needed it, it was just too much trouble to ask for?  Because they didn't want it?  Not because of some serious rebellion or hard-nosed principle, but...  because they didn't feel like it?  

The problem is want vs will.  Sometimes we indulge the want part of ourselves so much that the disciplined side shrivels up to uselessness...  Some people way that want and will are the two dogs that live in your mind.  You can only throw the steak at one of them, and the one you throw it to the most often is the stronger one.   Continue reading →

Tuesday, September 14 - Tuesday, September 21, 2010

I was beat.  Like, beat like someone tied me to the flagpole and went bazonkers.  

Last Tuesday was hot.  Like, it was 7pm and still 80 some degrees out. Granted, some marathoners run in the Sahara, but that's not me.  Stayed home and popped in the new exercise dvds I got.  It was a WORKOUT.  Almost as intense as the day before.  Sweat like I never knew it.  I never wanted to collapse like I did.  I contemplated turning back.  The guy is good.  Not too bright, but good.  

I finish.  I am hungry, thirsty, tired. 

The next day I wake up and everything hurts.  My calves feel achy.  My butt hurts.  My abs hurt.  Everything.  Hurts.  Continue reading →

Monday, September 13, 2010

So my code name is Oksana.  Don't ask.  I decided on this yesterday.  It is my running name.  Gimme a pair of red shorts and I'm golden.  (Don't ask questions. Much of this is meant to be shrouded in mystery.  And a lot of dust.)

Anyway, I went for a run today.  I mean, more like, I went out with the intention of running.  Mind you, it's been a good... hm...  10 months or so since I've done any kind of semi-strenuous exercise.  This doesn't include the hill up to the camping site I went to last week. Nor does it include the running I do to my car every morning (it's in front of my house.)  To drive the .2 miles it is to my job.  Don't ask.  Oksana won't tell.  She's planning on flip-flopping it in the mornings from now on.  

So as I was saying, I went for a run today.  I was only mildly inspired by a marathon of the Ironman World Championships.  What I mean is that we watched a marathon (two back-to-back years) of the greatest race ever, in which a marathon (26.2 miles) is preceded by a 2.4 mile swim and a 112 mile cycling round.  I was more inspired by the people I was watching it with along with some stories in the film than by virtue of the race itself.  Whatever it was, it got me on the road. Continue reading →

 

Rather than putting another time stamp on this thing...  the update is that there IS a way to unsubscribe people...  it just takes forever.  But it's done.  I feel ok about it, even though I'm about 100 down.  (I unsubscribed the -ish sites, since really, all they wanted was for me to sub them.  That knocked off about 10 slots!) 

I'm rarin' to go.

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So...  apparently you can't unsubscribe people from your site.  You can only block them.  That's odd.  I'm going to have to think about this one.  

Updates pending. 

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So things are about to get a lot more personal here in the land of a thousand hills.  

So I'm deleting my subscribers.  Well, almost everyone.  You have a few options. 

(1) Tell me you want to stay before...  let's say tomorrow (that's Tuesday.)  Leave a comment or something. 

(2) Subscribe to my RSS feed.  

     http://www.google.com/ig/add?feedurl=http://www.onathousandhills.com/  is the link to the google reader.  I think.  I love google reader.  

(3) Be deleted.  Find me and subscribe again.  I'll be busy.  Probably submitting some stuff to various places.  If you're getting this in a really past-due kind of way via email, my site address is www.onathousandhills.com or jensa07.xanga.com.  

This is crazy talk, I know.  I mean, why would anyone want to give up a 100+ subscribers?  It's suicide, I know.  But you know?  This is what I want to do.  The numbers are not accurate, anyway.  

That's all for now!  The reason I'm doing this is because I need to clear house.  Maybe come tomorrow, I'll change my mind and move my thoughts elsewhere.  But for now, because I want to start reflecting on things more personal, I want to be sure that the only ones reading are the ones who want to be here.  I mean, I've been around for almost 7 years.  A lot can happen.  

 Over and Out.  

 

or, Sleepless in Scholastia

Well, it's officially way past my bedtime, and I am not tired. 

I've been inspired recently... maybe in part because I was on a forced internet fast.  Of sorts.  I have a post brewing about weddings and such, since I just came back from one, but that will have to wait for a more coherent evening.  

In any case, I've been thinking about Elijah.  The guy who challenged the prophets of Baal to a worship-off and won, even though he gave himself a super handicap by pouring water all over his altar.  The fire still came and burnt it all up.  

He turns to Ahab, the idiot king, and tells him that rain is coming; in fact, it's already on its way.

Rain?  There hadn't been rain for years.  

Here in Virginia, we've been having some sort of a drought.  The tree outside my office window is looking a little wilty.  The 90 degree days haven't been helping much, either.  The skies are a brilliant blue, as always: Virgina Blue, as I call it.  The librarian told me he lived in Beirut for a while, and yeah.  Blue skies, he said, all around.  

I mean, typically this isn't a bad thing.  We like blue skies.  For those of you who live in Michigan or New York who think you know what blue skies look like...  you'd be wrong.  The blue here is a couple of shades darker than the light blue you've got.  The shade of blue up there betrays the clouds that are too high up to see.  Here...  cloudless means just that.  Cloudless.  All the way up.  

So Elijah tells Ahab to kick it.  Go eat something and start celebrating.  Maybe just to get him out of the way.  And then gets down and prays.  He tells his nameless servant to go check over the Mediterranean.  That's where all the weather comes from: over the sea.  Here, it comes from the west and the south.  I know it's rain when the clouds are coming from over the telephone poles on Old Cross Road, and the pressure starts to drop.  

Elijah apparently is facing a different direction altogether.  He might've been in a cave.  Whatever the case is, he's not looking towards that direction.  The man is just praying.  

His servant goes out and scans the horizon over the sea.  The skies are blue.  A brilliant, clear, guileless blue.  

No rain. 

"There's nothing out there."

Elijah tells him to go again. 

"Nothing."  Blue skies, just like always.  The world turning, just like always.  No one grieving, no one stopping, no one pausing.  Same old thing.  

Seven times he walked back and forth.  I wonder what Elijah was thinking.  Maybe he ought to have checked for himself.  But no.  Here's a lesson in perseverance in prayer.  No panic attacks.  No desperate cries of "Oh, God, why have you left me?  Why are you hiding your face...?"  No tantrums, no going through the grievous stages of Denial-Anger-Bargaining-Depression-Acceptance.  I wonder what the servant was thinking.  Oh man.  This can turn out to be bad. 

And then, there it is.  A little cloud coming up out of the sea, just as it's supposed to, no bigger than the size of his palm.  But it's enough.  Elijah directs his servant to tell Ahab to kick it again.  This time, for real, on a horse and chariot, homeward, if he wants to beat the rain.  

The Senior class and I went to an amusement park last week.  (I might be wrong on these dates.  Time seems to have melded together.)  One moment, it was hot with clear skies.  The next thing we knew, darkness was overtaking the park, with little bits of leafy debris flying around in the gusts of wind.  

And then the heavens opened up and let down a rain so torrential it can only be called a deluge.  A faucet.  One of those industrial six-nozzle shower heads turned up all the way.

I can imagine the orange packed sand just soaking it all up, turning into little rivulets and streams and muddy lakes.

And here's the cool part.  Elijah, after struggling in prayer with God, is strengthened, and he runs.  This is no time for resting on laurels.  No time to do the "Shawshank Redemption" move with a panoramic shot of the now pitch-black horizons.  This is no time to take a breather.

No, this was time for action.  

What happens next is a story all in itself...  but that's for another day.  You can click here to see what I've written in the past about it.

But today?  Today is for perseverance.  In spite of a seemingly never-changing scenery.  In spite of a situation that hasn't changed for years.  

Today's for action.  For running in front of chariots.  For rejoicing in Christ.    

Today is for believing He can do all things well.