February 7, 2008

  • Poor Vision?

    What's worse than a spider on the wall?

    ...a spider on the wall that has disappeared because someone 'helpfully' tried to remove it, only to throw it somewhere across the room closer to the common area... 

    It's supposed to be a long weekend (got Thursday, Friday, and half of Wednesday off) but it doesn't seem like I'm getting rest.  I've had some (not so good) things I've had to deal with lately, and it seems like every day more (not so good) news comes filtering through... 

    I realize, however grudgingly, that I miss my students.  Not that I wish them back (not only do they need a break, I most certainly need one too, even from them.)  I still smile when I think of my classes and the relationships I've built with them.  In my heart I dread the day they will 'graduate' from my class. 

    So here I am, opting for the action that has not once worked but nevertheless is something I always end up doing: staying up late in hopes of extending the day...  funny the things we do to try to manipulate these 24 hours...  I desperately need to prepare for my next (exciting) unit...  and I desperately need to get ready to test a new student who is coming in (homeschooled all his life)...  and I desperately need to put my office back together in time to do all this (they are painting.  It's a blessing I refuse to complain about)  and on top of it all I desperately need to rest.  But these are not mere choices but necessary things...  already got multiple phonecalls from two people during this break.  They must not know that the fact that I'm not going anywhere for break does not lead to the conclusion that I will not be taking a break. 

    But I knew all of this when I signed up for this job...  right? 

    Sigh. 

    These kids are changing me, and revealing things to me, and forcing me to challenge myself...  and sometimes the force of character that I see in me is quite revolting.  Yes, that is a strong word, isn't it?  I've been pulled in ways I've never been pulled before, exposed to things and put in positions that look familiar but really are completely different...  sometimes I fear that the road is just too narrow...  and the possessions are too great... 

    And through it all, He keeps me.  Encourages me.  Lifts me up.  I have a vision of what I want to do (absurd, as they always are) but it is what drives me... 

    Having poor vision is often looked down upon, particularly if you have poor spiritual vision.  But there is a time when poor vision is a good thing, and that is when we are looking in the face of Jesus, and the whole rest of the world becomes so strangely dim...

    May this be our experience. 

    May this be my experience...  today, and every day.