August 22, 2008

  • Due Seasons

    I'm exhausted.  O Lord, let it not be that I'm burning out already.  I've got so much more I have yet to do.  And yet this exhaustion is not the kind I shirk from.  My body is tired by my spirit is still so willing.  Perhaps I'm forgetting that this is just part of package during the first month of school.  Once I dig out, it'll be fine...  I'll be fine... 

    I love these students.  I spent vespers and afterglow with them today.  There are so many that I love there and that I am getting so close to.  I can't believe how much they've consumed me.  Completely taken me over.  I can't believe I'm in a position to be a real part of their lives.  I can't believe that I'll be in yearbooks and memories and a part of "Do you remember in Miss Song's room..."  stories.  I can't believe my Juniors are Seniors now...  and they're going to graduate.  (I know....  it's only August, but we're already talking about it as though it's the end of the world!)  I can't believe my Freshmen are Sophomores and my Sophomores are Juniors and...  (I never said this would make sense...)

    But I love the Sabbath.  I love these hours inhabited by God and His blessing.  I love this institution of rest when God specifically blessed not only space but time...  I love the peace He has brought me today and the promise of tomorrow.  I love that He has saved me with this commission of working with these crazy High Schoolers.     

    "Let us not be weary in well doing, for in due season, we shall reap, if we faint not." 

    That verse in Galatians has been a comfort for me today.  Sometimes we can't see the due season.  Sometimes what we're searching for is right in front of us.  Sometimes it takes looking away from ourselves to find the peace and joy that always seems so elusive.  Sometimes we get weary.  But the exhortation to not be so tired is in the look of faith to the time of harvest... 

    I wonder at the patience and graciousness of God...  He saw in me what I thought would be impossible.  He found in me peace and love that still passes my understanding.  These students have consumed me, but I have already been consumed.  Through and through.  My God has found me, and he has been found of me. 

    The road is broken.  There is still a lot yet to be done and if I stop to count my own shortcomings, it is crippling and utterly devastating.  And yet I stand up and press forward.  This time, not only for myself, but for these kids.  For their futures.  For their roads. 

    And if and when this "due season" comes... I wanna be up there with them to look back and celebrate it.  I wanna sit at the welcome table.  I wanna put on that long, pure, spotless white robe.  I wanna feast on milk and honey.  I want to look in my Savior's face and find that that is what I've been looking for all my life: that glory.  That pearl of great price.  That best friend.  That all in all.  I wanna be there.  And I want to take these kids with me. 

    So badly.