September 29, 2008

• Back Up

  I think this may well be the longest xanga break I've taken in recent history.   

  Crazy things are happening.  Bailout plans failing.  Economy tanking.  Who knew?  I keep remembering a long time ago, talking to this guy at work about the American economy failing and the euro taking over.  After I said that I felt really dumb about spewing off on something I knew nothing about, but hey.  Look at that.  Marek, remember, you heard it there first. 

  I had a dream the other night.  It's one of those which I wish had meaning but perhaps is just one of those toss-and-turn dog dreams.  I'll share it here since I already told one of my students.  It wants to be told. 

  I was at a lake (I don't remember anymore who I was with, although it was a fair sized group, or where it was.  Dreams have a tendency to erase themselves, don't they?)  I hadn't come dressed to swim, but I decided to wade out anyway, and found myself in the water.  A short while later, I found myself heads-up breaststroke-ing away from the group.  I was going at a pretty good clip, and just enjoying the speed and the freedom of the water. 

  As I swam, I noticed out of the corner of my eye (heads-up breaststroke allows you to keep your head above water at all times) that something was coming towards me from somewhere in the middle of the lake quite a distance from where I was.  I could see the wake it was leaving behind in the water, and although it was pretty far away, the shadow was pretty large, and it was moving fast.  As soon as I saw it, I thought to myself, "That's an alligator." 

  I remember swimming as fast as I could to the shore, thinking I'd have a better chance on land than in the water.  The thing followed me there, and although the events that transpired immediately after it hit the land is becoming quite fuzzy, I remember grabbing a rock just larger than the size of my hand. 

  Breaking here to say that lately I've been seeing a lot of object lessons around me in the form of animals. Well, more specifically bugs, but whatever, right?  Maybe this is why this dream stuck out to me.  And even more specifically because I'm really praying lately about revival in my life.  I think I hit a speed bump or something on the way, but perhaps what I see as a speed bump is really something else.  A step up, perhaps?  Who knows.  I'm willing to defer to a higher authority on that one.  The night I had the dream, I was studying about suffering, temptations, and how to deal with them.  I'll share that sometime, too. 

  Anyway, back to the alligator.  That thing was huge.  All I remember is taking the rock I had in my hand and bringing it down as hard as I could on top of the thing's head.  One shot.  I think it was enough to stun the animal and I stumbled away back to the group.

  From here, the details are getting fuzzy again, but I think I told one person.  I think I remember him being the chaplain here at the school.  I don't remember.  He's a pretty strong guy for a person his age.  Really sturdy, strong, and dependable.  Worker of the land, that type.  But for some reason, I ended up going back to the scene alone.  Curiosity got me.  I wanted to see if it was still there.  You know what I found?

  The alligator!  And it was dead.  I had killed it with a rock the size of my hand.  (I doubt this is possible in reality.)  I could see the indentation I had made during the initial altercation.  I think I even felt it with my palm.  The thing was huge.  Dark.  Strong.  I picked up the rock I had used and noticed that it had some writing, or a piece of a larger written work on it.  I couldn't make it out, but the thought occurred to me that I ought to make sure the alligator was good and dead.  So like any self-respecting, intelligent, forward-thinking person, I took the rock and started to bash it against the dead animal's skull. 

  Except I don't remember this happening.  I think this was when I woke up with this horrendous stomach ache.  I also remember feeling quite uncoordinated as my initial rush wore off and "reality" set in.  I don't even remember the chronology of events at this point.  But I thought my battle with the alligator was something blog-worthy.  What do you think?

  Maybe not.

  I think my devotion last night was tremendously more blog-worthy but for now, I am encouraged to think that this alligator can be an object lesson for me.  These past few weeks have been pretty exhausting.  A lot of things have changed since last year, and it's been hard.  It's definitely not a charmed year (figuratively) like last year was.  Last year...  it's one of those high years.  I have those once in a while. 

  But if my dream had gone the way I would write it, I would've swam towards it full-steam instead of booking it towards land.  Maybe not.  But you'd have to hear my devotion to know what I'm talking about. 

  Anyway.  I am half-dead or half-alive (I don't know if this would work like the glass analogy does) and I already know that this post is complete lunacy.  But it's all I got to give right now.  All my creativity, grammatical prowess, and meager writing skills have exited out the back way and I don't know how to get them back.  And even if I knew, I'm not sure if I have the energy or the time efficiency to make it work. 

  But the crazy thing is that this is what I love about writing.  It is one small way we are made in the image of God: the power of creation.  And here I have created a limp mutant of a post that is hobbling its way across the Al-Gore-created-internet.  It may be a mutant.  But it wasn't here a few minutes ago.  I made it. 

  And I'll make it.  I'll get back up.  Even though xanga thinks all hyphenated words are misspelled.  Even though all my creations are hobbly and misshappen.  Perhaps they too will rise up new and perfect.  I can't wait to learn everything I can after that great gettin' up morning. 

  • 10:57 pm
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