November 10, 2011

• Six Weeks Is a Long Time To Go Without A Break…

  “Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.” 

  Are the promises of God something bankable? Worth staking bets on? Worth taking risks for? When God says that He can heal the broken-hearted, is that real? What does it mean to believe that? How does it look like, even?

  In Luke 6, the parallel statement is, “Blessed are ye that weep now, for you shall laugh.” I was so taken aback by this that I searched through various versions of the verse (v 21) and found that the key words are the same. Weep. Laugh. 

  Is that the right words of comfort to tell someone who’s crying? “There, there. Someday, you’ll laugh again.” I mean, I’ve “bootstrapped” it before, but I doubt the passage is telling people to just deal with it and get over it. Why are these people weeping? Because they lost someone/something they loved? Because they’re distraught with sin? Because their donkey stepped on their toe?

  And what is this “blessedness”? When does it happen? What does the word “now” apply to? (“Blessed are ye now…” as in, you are blessed now, or “Blessed are ye that weep now,” as in you might be currently weeping?) 

  All this to say that sometimes, life sucks. It finds us cowering in a corner or (even worse) stone-facedly roboting it through the day. Sometimes, it demands too much of you. It’s like getting calls from the creditors. Always reminding you of what you owe, what you lack, and the sacrifices you have to make. (Not that I’ve received these kinds of calls, but it’s empathizable.) 

  Luke’s version also says, “Blessed are you who are poor.” (versus Matthew’s “poor in spirit.”) And what if we are poor because we gave it all to God? Is it worth the wait? Or does this also happen “now”? 

  This is the rich young ruler, who could not be poor for God. Could not give it up. Could not risk what was tangibly his. And then the intangible spiritual poverty might also come from this. From having stuff taken, or from giving it all away. He could not face the fear of surrender. The fear of becoming poor, useless, needy. 

  Why are the poor poor? I guess even as there are different levels and reasons for poverty in the realm of society, there are different levels and reasons for poverty spiritually. I doubt Christ meant “poor” as a blanket statement. 

  Speaking of poverty, I am definitely not poor in terms of pistachios. The shelling (and eating) of these nuts are bordering on compulsion. I even have a hand-made pistachio nut disposal made out of paper on my desk (ingenious in its simplicity, really, in my honest opinion.) This recent addiction is, I think, I coping mechanism. At least it’s keeping me away from worse habits. 

  Blessed is she who shells pistachios now, for she shall be comforted.

  I had to revise this from: Blessed is she who shells pistachios now, for someday, she may realize that it was the right thing to do. 

  I don’t want to live in the “someday’s” or “may’s” with God… but I realize I do it. I cling to my narrow vision of the present and rob myself of what I can have in the now. It is a scary thing to choose to be happy? Is that even possible, in the midst of pain? Am I sounding super dramatic? Will I be ok?

  Yes, yes, and yes. And yes. 

  In the meantime, I am very close to the 45 nuts that the container says is the serving size.

  And it’s not even noon yet.

  
  

  • 11:48 am
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