Last night's posts are one of those that disappear permanently into the oblivion called "Private Posts."  There have been quite a few that have been relegated to that position...  for those of you who get it in your email boxes... well.  Just pretend it didn't happen, yeah? 

Q-Time with Jesus is a wonderful thing.  And you know what's great as well?  The opportunities God gives to minister to my students.  Because the words that come out of my mouth are like the Balm of Gilead...  to my own soul.  Yes, as I've said time and time before, as much as I labor to save my students, they are saving me too. 

"But unto you that fear my name shall the Sun of Righteousness arise with healing in his wings, and ye shall go forth, and grow up as calves of the stall." Micah 4:2

For verses like these, I love being a baby cow.  (See the left sidebar on my main page if this statement confuses you.)  I am not a wild, untamed, rabid, disowned cow charging around in the wilderness.  (Granted, I admit that I might look quite similar to these "mad" cows.  No comments on this fact, please.)  But I am indeed a calf of the stall.  Raised, nurtured, tended to, and cared for by my Heavenly Father who knows of my needs before I am even aware of them myself.  As it is with you.  He has healing in His wings, and that's where we abide: under His healing wings.

A thunderstorm rolled through here last night.  Did the soul some good.  (I love these things.)  And after my devotions, my body (and my soul) breathed a huge sigh and out came all the tension and burdens and heaviness of the day. 

I can't say that I'm completely ready for this busy weekend (I wasn't even released to go to a friend's wedding it's going to be so busy...)  or for the coming week (I've already made plans to stay late Tuesday-Thursday) but I can move forward with the assurance that He will not only sustain me, but give me ample provision for my needs.

And man, hormones were bad this time around...  at least now some things are somewhat more logically explicable.  Life is difficult, folks, life is difficult.  Hehe.  For those of you who need some less elusive way of knowing what went down, I had some pretty bad PMS this past week.  I used to embrace these crazy hormonal times as a perfect opportunity to exercise faith above feeling.  That was when I had somewhat more time to process these things...  but really, yeah, I'll admit.  I"m strange.  This is not news.  (It shouldn't be, anyway.) 

Plus, it leave me starving all the time.  No, I am not pregnant, nor do I have a "maternal desire" to be in that "condition."  (hehehe.)  No, seriously.  No, seriously. 

In any case, I am happy for this Sabbath, and happy that I can go in to the House of God and hope again to see some spiritual changes happen in the life of this campus.  Please pray with me for these kids.  They are really the world to me, whether they accept or reject me.  Whether they understand me or not.  Whether they reciprocate it or not.  Whatever they do, and whoever they are.  I love them for teaching me about the character of Jesus and much more about His love towards this unyielding world, towards me, and towards you. 

Do you believe...?

 

transcribed from April 02, 2008

Typically, I am everything against formulated, repetitive, meaningless, heartless contact.  There are exceptions, of course, and I am not going to go so far as to say that small talk is meaningless.  But I don't like hugs that don't mean anything, conversations which turn downhill (or flux towards idle talk about guys/girls/shopping/etc.), or speeches that are routine and thoughtless. 

So it is with prayer.  I don't want my conversations with God to be a formality, a habit, or a show.  I don't want to talk to my Best Friend as though he were manning a checkpoint or requesting a password every once in a while. 

And yet there they are.  My standard before-starting-the-car and before-eating-my-meal prayers.  They are usually elaborated upon (the mealtime ones more than the roadtrip ones) but they typically start in roughly the same format (opening address varies): "Dear LORD, please guide me safely along this way..."/"Dear LORD, please bless this meal I am about to have..."

Please note I'm not knocking on standard, repeated prayers here.  After all, it's hard to be creative on a prayer that is typically given 3 times a day, 7 days a week, 52 weeks a year.  The slightly interesting moments happen when these standard prayers encroach upon time that is not theirs. 

Perhaps it's because the mealtime prayer is lifted up more often than others, but it's happened more than once when I have opened my Bible (usually early in the morning) and the prayer that is lifted begins, "Dear Lord, please bless this meal..." 

The first time it happened, I stopped and chuckled, adding the addendum, "..this spiritual meal..."  before continuing the prayer.

I doubt that God is One who would be personally offended at these rare misstatements...  I do admit this with some chagrin, however, knowing that truly, I am forgiven as a child of God, in perhaps the most literal sense of the word.    

I want to say that all my prayers are passionate, heartfelt, and deep.  I want to say that even my bated breath in the presence of my amazing God is holy and profound.  

But as I sat in a Boston-bound airplane, my head resting not-so-comfortably on a too-fluffy headrest cushion, the words that peacefully leave my thoughts as the wheels lift off the jetway are: "Dear Lord, please bless this meal..."

...and there is nothing edible (spiritually or otherwise) about it, other than a sudden inspiration to write.

----

May our prayers be whole, may our thoughts be full, and as always, may God be gracious.

 

Now that Spring Break is over and I am admitting that I am looking forward to going back to work...  I have some serious existential questions I have been asking myself:

When you say "It is snowing," what is the "it" referring to?

For example, when you say, "He is a pretty nifty guy," the word "he" is meant to refer to some other noun, in this case, a typical guy named... uh... "Leirderhosen."  So you could substitute "he" for "Leiderhosen."  The sentence would then be able to be read as "Leiderhosen is a pretty nifty guy."

Or when you say, "It is too heavy to lift," the "it" could refer to various cumbersome objects, such as a desk, an elephant, or one of those Korean kimchi refridgerators.  Again, this is easily substitute-able.  ("The elephant is too heavy to lift.") 

So when you say, "It is snowing," what is "it"?  It's a little easier to explain when one says something like, "It's wet outside." The solution is clear: "It" must refer to the ground.  Thus, "It is wet outside," would translate to, "The ground is wet outside."  Unfortunately, this doesn't go as well when you try it with the former sentence, which would leave you with: "The ground is snowing."  Obviously, the ground does not have the capacity to snow.  (Unless, of course, you live in Michigan, where everything snows.)  So there goes that theory. 

For those of you who think "it" is "the weather," please remember it has to be replaceable.  You wouldn't say, "The weather is snowing," now, would you? 

So, what is "it"?  What are you actually asking someone when you say, "Is it snowing?"  Who/what exactly is snowing?   

 

Absent (III)

(Mark 16:1-6)

When the Sabbath was over, Mary Magdalene,
and Mary the mother of James, and Salome, bought spices,
so that they might come and anoint Him.

Very early on the first day of the week,
they came to the tomb when the sun had risen.

They were saying to one another, "Who will roll away the stone for us from the entrance of the tomb?"

Looking up, they saw that the stone had been rolled away, although it was extremely large.

Entering the tomb, they saw a young man sitting at the right, wearing a white robe; and they were amazed.

And he said to them, "Do not be amazed; you are looking for Jesus the Nazarene, who has been crucified

He has risen; He is not here...



-----------

a.  Are you worrying about who will roll away the stone?  It has been rolled away.   The Way has been made plain. 

b.  Where are you looking for Christ?  Perhaps He is not where you are expecting Him to be.  ("Why do you seek the living One among the dead?"  Luke 24:5)

c.  He has risen...  Death has been swallowed up in victory...thanks be to God, which giveth us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. (1 Corinthians 15: 54, 57) 

And so shall we also have victory.

Do you believe?

Hope (II)

O fools and slow of heart to believe all that the prophets have spoken...  ought not Christ to have suffered these things, and to enter into His glory?  Luke 24:25, 26

I will bless the LORD, who hath given me counsel:
my reins also instruct me in the night seasons. 
I have set the LORD always before my face:
because he is at my right hand, I shall not be moved. 
Therefore my heart is glad, and my glory rejoiceth:
my flesh also shall rest in hope,  because you will not abandon me to the grave,
nor will you let your Holy One see decay.. 
Thou wilt shew me the path of life: in thy presence is fulness of joy;
at thy right hand there are pleasures for evermore.  Psalm 16:7-11 KJV, NIV

For we are saved by hope: but hope that is seen is not hope: for what a man seeth, why doth he yet hope for?  Romans 8:24

 

Alone (Save Yourself)

And as they led Him away, they laid hold upon one Simon, a Cyrenian, coming out of the country, and on him they laid the cross, that he might bear it after Jesus.  

And there followed Him a great company of people, and of women, which also bewailed and lamented Him.  But Jesus turning unto them said, Daughters of Jerusalem...

weep not for me, but weep for yourselves, and for your children.
for behold, the days are coming in the which they shall say,
blessed are the barren, and the wombs that never bare,
and the paps which never gave suck
then shall they begin to say to the mountains,
fall on us, and to the hills, cover us
for if they do these things in a green tree,
what shall be done in the dry?

and the people stood beholding. 

and the rulers also with them derided Him, saying,

he saved others; let him save himself, if he be the Christ, the chosen of God.

and the soldiers also mocked Him, coming to Him, and offering Him vinegar, and saying,

if thou be the king of the Jews, save thyself...

(And they that passed by railed on Him, wagging their heads, saying,

Ah, thou that destroyest the temple, and buildest it in three days,
Save thyself, and come down from the Cross.

Likewise the chief priests mocking said among themselves with the scribes,

He saved others, himself he cannot save.
Let Christ the King of Israel descend now from the Cross,
that we may see and believe...

(He trusted in God; let Him deliver Him now, if He will have Him:
for He said, I am the Son of God.  Matthew 27)

And they that were crucified with Him reviled Him.  Mark 15)

and one of the malefactors which were hanged railed on Him, saying,

if thou be Christ, save thyself and us... 

(Insults and reproach have broken my heart; I am full of heaviness and I am distressingly sick. I looked for pity, but there was none, and for comforters, but I found none. Psalm 69:20)

...And all this acquaintance, and the women that followed Him from Galilee, stood afar off, beholding these things. 

[Joseph, of Arimathaea,] went unto Pilate, and begged the body of Jesus.  And he took it down, and wrapped it in linen, and laid it in a sepulchre that was hewn in stone...  and that day was the preparation, and the Sabbath drew on...

and they returned, and prepared spices and ointments; and rested the Sabbath day according to the commandment. 

(Luke 23)

My first "real" job (being Korean, it's hard to tell what "real" jobs are...  it's complicated, unless you've also been in situations where you were expected to "work" for nothing, or at least refuse payment until it was shoved into your hands multiple times) was an under-the-table operation at a Korean tutoring place after school.  I tutored little monsters for about $5.25 an hour minus the cost of 2 extra-strength Tylenol a day. 

They called me into the office one day and said something along the lines of, "Thanks for all you do.  We're a little behind on some things, so how about we call you when we need you?"  I gladly agreed, totally ignorant of the fact that I was, in fact, being let go.  I was working my little behind off and doing jobs that a certified teacher should've been doing.  I waited for their phonecall for a month, not listening to my mom, who definitely knew better. 

I vowed I would never become a teacher. 

I just answered this Featured Question, you can answer it too!

 

<edit:> had to re-read this post today.  I'm not sure if I believe it sometimes...  but I must... </edit>

Finally filed my tax returns.  Sigh.  I always end up with the complicated returns since I'm always moving from state to state, from job to job, from working to full-time student, and vice versa.  Such is my generation, apparently: the nomadic, restless, relentlessly moving crowd of late 20-something-ers searching for value and meaning in a postmodern world. 

You know, it's pretty often that I get this distinct impression that my goals and ideals at my job is well...  impossible.  Partly because I am so far from perfect it's just short of devastating.  It's every day that I see the Great Wall which is the world that is contrary to the world of Christ.  Even the brightest are consumed by television shows influenced by the New Age worldviews, or are watching mindless (or perhaps even morally or spiritually damaging) cartoons and commentaries.  Every time I think I get a leg up, there opens a floodgate which seems to wipe away any trace of what difficult work was accomplished. 

Impossible.  That word shoots impulses into my muscles.  It makes my neurons fire.  I love that word.  Often, these impulses are quickly suppressed when reason is consulted.  But most of the time, even reason concedes and cooperates with faith to grapple with the improbable.

I shared a verse with my class today, and I think it ended up being more for me: "[Abraham] staggered not at the promise of God through unbelief; but was strong in faith, giving glory to God; and being fully persuaded that, what He had promised, He was able also to perform."

Fully persuaded. 

God has promised greatness.  Not through me, not through faculty meetings, not through lesson plans and committees and conferences (watch out), but by His grace and power.  These other things are merely vessels, the operating agents through which the power of God unto the salvation of souls would work. 

So let us not stagger.  Let us not falter.  Let us not put our eyes on these earthly things which all grow strangely dim in the light of God's glory and grace.  Let us not be weary in well doing, but rather look forward to the day when One greater than we would come to gather in His fruits. 

There is no impossible.  There is nothing out of reach.  There are only these myopic human perceptions which often fall short of focusing on what is ultimately not only possible, but already at work.  We are not called to determine what is possible or impossible.  We are called to put our hands on the plow, and not look back.  With Christ, all things are possible. 

And so I work.  Day by day, and often hour by hour, in the face of what screams impossible.  My vision sees failure, but the eyes of my faith sees these kids in Heaven.  This is the hope that keeps me going. 

I dreamed in front of my class today.  The heavens parting, the trumpet of the Lord blasting, and the voice that stirs the dead in Christ awake...  and those Heavenly gates where I will see all their faces...  this joy unspeakable. 

Yes, yes I am ready for tomorrow.  Seeing these guys in Heaven?  Surely Heaven is cheap enough.   

 

or, More Than One Night

Covering the Worldview Unit with my kids this week.  Having a ball.  Well, the repercussions are yet to come.  The devil, as they say, is in the details.  This, my friends who aren't familiar (a shockingly many of you) is actually a pretty common colloquialism.  An aphorism.  A clever saying, if you will. 

This week was long.  Grueling.  Lots of kids absent.  This gets under my skin.  No one has yet skipped my Psychology class (intentionally), but school trips and sicknesses really took a toll...  nonetheless, I chugged on with my worldview unit.  Had fun having them journal about questions like, "What is the definition of 'nothing'?"  and "What is the meaning of life?"  We read quotes like, "The brain secretes thought like the liver secretes bile."  (Wrote about this a long time ago on this blog.)

Well, it turns out that the answer to the meaning of life has been found.  It's 42.

For those of you unfamiliar with the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, it took a computer about 7 million years (this is a movie made to be irreverent, folks) to discover this.  The bigger problem, it seems, is to find out the question. 

So what is the Ultimate Question?  It turns out that it is: What is 6 x 9?

Unless you know what "base 13" is, this is meaningless to you, and meaningless to everyone else, and just plain bad math. 

However, the interesting part is this: in order to find the Ultimate Question in this jeopardy-esque challenge, the computer (the one that took 7 million years to find the answer) at first had to build another computer...  (you guys should just watch the movie, which I am not endorsing since I don't remember much of it to begin with) which was called Earth.  And this computer was so big that it was "frequently mistaken for a planet."  Later, Earth is destroyed because it's in the way of the building of an intergalactic highway, much in the same way small houses are demolished to make way for 6-lane expressways.   

Such is the search for life.  Each worldview reveals the tenacious human spirit: the one that will not be put down and finds meaning even within meaninglessness...  The one which strives for logic, and peace, and coherence... 

Man, I love my job.  I'm way past my benchmarks for the "honeymoon periods" (for more information on my benchmarks, please corner me and I may spill it) and the next benchmark isn't until 2010, which may or may not exist in my timeline.  I will, however, try to stop what may look like gratuitousness.  I truly am grateful though, to be able to do what I do... 

In any case, I'm happy to share that I do in fact know the meaning of life, the universe, and everything.  Isn't that cool?  I think it is.  And I'm happy to report that it is in fact not 42.  It's not the search for a question, even, or the joy in finding an answer, for that matter.  Life is not quite a journey, nor is it a destination.  It is not found in deep questions about the negativeness or positiveness of infinity, even.  (Imagine if...) 

My quote for the day reads so: "Sometimes I lie awake at night and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'" 

And so will this, my friends.  In the meantime, have a good one, and a restful Sabbath.

 

Tougher day today.  Another student expelled. More damage control to do.  Still love this job.  Tornado watch for this area.  I have a basement to go to this time, at least.  Watching. 

Watching CNN...  I think I'll be asleep before I find out what happens in Texas. 

I don't talk politics.  Someone once told me that if I wanted to avoid getting in trouble, I would avoid two topics: religion and politics.  Since I've miserably failed in keeping silent on all matters religious, I figure I'd at least try to do it in politics. 

Lately, however, it's been a little bit more difficult.  Talked to my students briefly about politics (didn't tell them where my vote would swing) and you know what I realized?

My students have NO IDEA what it's like outside of the Clinton/Bush regime.  That's right.  I called it a regime.  George Bush (the senior) came into his presidency 1989, a few years before some of my Juniors were even born.  He served one term and was succeeded by Clinton (the husband) who served two terms.  This leads us to 2001, when George Bush (Dubya) came along and served his two terms. 

Do you know what this means?

The presidency being kept within two families for almost TWENTY YEARS.  Come Hillary, if she is elected, and it'll add a minimum of four on top of that, if things continue as they do. 

What do you think about that?  I'm not saying that we vote with this being the key thing to have in mind, but I venture to say that perhaps this is why Obama's speaking of change and transparency of government is so appealing to so many people...   apparently, even the white supremacist leaders don't have too much bad to talk about him. 

Anyway.  That is my two cents.  And I've managed not to endorse a candidate, so please pat me on the back.  To be fair, High Schoolers don't care much about the government anyway.  Do I remember much of Reagan?  Carter?  The dude before that?  Huh?  Who?  Yeah.  That's what I mean.   

Anyway.  The reality of the fact is that we have another government to look at, and look forward to.  Yeah?  Yeah.  Even though the days beat you up.  I talked to my student about the difference between wanting to do something and doing something.  Sometimes they don't align.  Sometimes you don't want to get up in the morning.  Sometimes you don't want to get stuff done. 

But you gotta tell yourself who's boss...  your body is NOT the boss of you.