No.

And no.

And for those of you who want to know, I might have been born and raised in NY but my heart and soul is rooted in New England.  (And that protected post wants to rear her ugly head again...  maybe I'll drag it back out.)

And ok.  I used to have trouble saying no.  And with certain people, that's still the case.  But I'm going to bed now.  Stupid Superbowl.    I wish I cared more about these things. 

I just answered this Featured Question, you can answer it too!

Previous Post Removed!    Thank God for sleep and sanity...

If today had a middle name, it would be Misery. 

If it had a first name, it would be "Me-Inflicted"

Woke up today wishing for a cancellation due to ice and rain.  No such news.  Just a two hour delay.  Car had a sheet of ice over it.  Could've walked but didn't.  Took me a half hour to get it clean (stubbornly kept at it.)  Came to school wet, hungry, and tired. 

But largely, it was me who made the day bad.  It was my bad mood.  My short fuse.  My frustration. 

Psychology class saved the day again.  Partially because I gave up trying to teach Psychology and talked about the "power of God unto salvation" and the question of whether or not we really need God and what we mean when we say we "need" Him. 

But even then I was tired.  Kids were noisy.  I didn't have the energy to keep up.  They helped me. 

All in all, I'm too tired to be positive so I'm just going to be glad that the weekend is here....

http://www.usatoday.com/tech/science/mathscience/2008-01-23-fractions_N.htm?se=yahoorefer

The above link is about a prof who wants to do away with fractions!

Rejoice ye poor in Algebra.

Instead of thrilling over the ups and downs of this job, I thought I'd share a story....  for some reason it floats back into my mind every once in a while, so I found it and thought I'd share it here.  But I do want to exult in the fact that I am working in a place that teaches me more and more about God and His character day by day.

--

Paul received an automobile from his brother as a Christmas present. On Christmas Eve when Paul came out of his office, a street urchin was walking around the shiny new car, admiring it.

"Is this your car, Mister?" he asked.

Paul nodded. "My brother gave it to me for Christmas." The boy was astounded. "You mean your brother gave it to you and it didn't cost you nothing? Boy, I wish..." He hesitated. Of course Paul knew what he was going to wish for. He was going to wish he had a brother like that. But what the lad said jarred Paul all the way down to his heels.

"I wish," the boy went on, "that I could be a brother like that."

Paul looked at the boy in astonishment, then impulsively he added, "Would you like to take a ride in my automobile?"

"Oh yes, I'd love that."

After a short ride, the boy turned and with his eyes aglow, said, "Mister, would you mind driving in front of my house?" Paul smiled a little. He thought he knew what the lad wanted. He wanted to show his neighbors that he could ride home in a big automobile. But Paul was wrong again.

"Will you stop where those two steps are?" the boy asked. He ran up the steps. Then in a little while Paul heard him coming back, but he was not coming fast. He was carrying his little crippled brother. He sat him down on the bottom step, then sort of squeezed up against him and pointed to the car. "There she is, Buddy, just like I told you upstairs. His brother gave it to him for Christmas and it didn't cost him a cent. And some day I'm gonna give you one just like it...then you can see for yourself all the pretty things in the Christmas windows that I've been trying to tell you about."

Paul got out and lifted the lad to the front seat of his car. The shining-eyed older brother climbed in beside him and the three of them began a memorable holiday ride.

That Christmas Eve, Paul learned what Jesus meant when he had said: "It is more blessed to give..."

--

Sometimes we make assumptions about people.  Friends, strangers, students, people in the checkout isle...  Sometimes we are deceived.  Sometimes we are the deceivers.  In whichever case, God is the only reader of hearts.  And we?  What are we called to do?  We are all sinners on our own weary roads...  some are more blatant than others, some have fallen more than others, some have paid a dire price for being deceived by the great deceiver... 

Anyway, I digress.  Here's to BEING instead of WANTING.  Onward!

Stayed at school until 9pm today. 

Score. 

Still not done with what I need to do.  Looks like the weekend's shot. 

Please pray for my student.  BDM. 

Crave having him taste and see... 

Had a really long conversation with another student about godly things.  What a blessing.

Love. This. Job.  

I told him I was proud of him.  I really was. 

He told me I was the only one who he could talk to about these things in this way. 

Wish my body could handle it all.

Old Quote on my board: "Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee." Isaiah 26:3

New Quote on my board: "I have set the LORD always before me: because He is at my right hand, I shall not be moved." Psalm 16:8

Did a brave thing today.

Yeah.

Want to be braver.

Jesus is coming soon. 

Do you believe?  ...I mean, really believe...?

I'm sitting here smiling.  Actually, I'd have to say that I'm sitting here being attacked by "bouts of smiles" in between my decompression for the day.  (It help that "America's Funniest Pets and People" is on in the background...  that show makes me belly-laugh...  yes, even when I'm by myself... especially when I'm by myself...) 

I just got a (much-needed and encouraging) email from my grad professor from Academialand and I am reminded of what a blessing this job is to me.  I'm remembering all the times I've been told "it's not possible," and all the knowing looks and brush-offs I got for speaking my idealistic, faith-centered view of education in class.  I'm remembering the unique incidents and precise timing that led me to such a place as this at such a time as this.  I'm thinking of the teachers God has brought here with me, to encourage, challenge, and keep me company...  I'm thinking of my students and my student, and how he gave me this uncontrollable from-the-gut-stomach-and-heart-bubbling-out laugh today.  I love him with all my heart!  All these kids have me...   

I'm glad I stuck it through.  I'm so glad I have a God who cares for me.  And I am unspeakably glad that I gave my life to Him... 

...and so I smile.  I smile because I'm happy.  I smile because I'm free.  His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He's watching me. 

How apt that this is what I read about in my devotions this morning.  How He cares for the sparrow and clothes the lillies of the field...  I meant to ask my students today if they really believed that God cared about their individual needs...  and as I direct this question to myself and hear a resounding "YES, I BELIEVE!!!!"  The proof is undeniable.

Do you believe..?

Last week I put out a call for us to mention the word "heaven" at least once a day (in natural contextual conversation) for one week (expletives not included.)

Thanks Lu, for taking on the challenge and posting about it! 

 These past few days (and days and days) have been long ones.  We had a week of prayer, which I posted about earlier, and as it turns out, spending day (and night) with students between (and including) bouts of heart-wrenching prayer takes quite a toll on a body. 

Please pray for me as I have to take a stand on a troubling issue...  the students are at stake and I'd do anything to preserve their spiritual health, present or future. 

More later.  But I want to continue to encourage this "heaven-a-day" challenge.  It's so easy to forget, isn't it?  How is it that we forget the place reserved for us?  And if Heaven isn't enough, would it be easier to mention Christ a day?  For those of you in the workforce (particularly secular ones) is it a struggle?  And for those of you who are in the privilege of working in a Christianity-steeped setting, does it make it any easier? 

Yesterday was difficult.  Exhausting weekend.  Like I told a coworker/friend, the day might have been just fine, but it was a bad me-day. 

Do you believe God saves us?  I mean, not just in the soteriological sense.  I mean in the day-by-day, Lord-I-need-help-lest-I-lose-myself sense.  In the reach-out-and-grab-you-before-you-fall sense. 

I was losing it.  But it was as if every step of the way I was buoyed up, whether I wanted buoying or not... 

I'm telling you, God saves us.  Now, whether or not you believe it...  that is a different story.  He has saved my day, my sanity, my heart, my mind, my classes, my reputation, my everything.  And He has saved me. 

Week of Prayer this week.  Some lady from Australia is here.  (For those of you who know what this means, it is what you'd expect.)  I'm not certain about her yet, but I am convinced that God has allowed her to enter this school, and He is in control.  It's about prayer, a powerful, powerful topic...  pray for us, please.  Please.  Please...  These kids...  I can't even begin to tell you what they've done to my soul. 

I got the most encouraging thing said to me today.  It came via my principal in passing (intentionally, although I didn't let him know how much it impacted me) as we were discussing the logistics of a venture that'll consume more time and energy.  I was spent and spending.  But the news was so unexpected and so God-given that I just about cried.  But by now most of you know my policy on crying.  But my heart is touched, but even much more challenged...  even much more cognizant of the tremendous work at hand.  I almost don't want it.  Almost. 

O Lord, I just don't want to screw it all up...

Today I am grateful for friends, for my students, and most especially for God's providence...  My heart is full like it hasn't been in a while, and yet I am still struggling.  Funny, isn't it?  My back aches, and I'm having the starving-but-don't-feel-like-eating/making-anything oddness happening.  But I am smiling now, and suddenly I am ready to face the week.  Sorta. 

Please continue to pray for me and for these kids, and for my one student worker in particular.  I love this kid with all my heart, and it is my deepest desire for him to be able to taste and see that God is good, so good...

Remember, Jesus saves! 

Do you believe..?

ps. How's your Heaven-a-day going?  Don't give up... 

Tired but not sleepy.  Starving but my appetite is spent.  Restless but my energy is spent.  Overwhelmed but still praising the Lord.

I had a post but my rational side told me not to make it public.  I'm complying although it seems fine to me at the moment.  Instead, here is a challenge that I'm going to make to my class (I am loving them more and more every DAY):

Mention Heaven (out loud, and in context--expletives don't count) at least once a day for one full week. 

I'll check back next Thursday.  Anybody in?

Heaven is so near.  I wonder if we even believe it some days.  I know I don't.  Sometimes I forget. 

<not even an hour later update> God is amazing.  My day is suddenly 10x brighter!  I LOVE GOD!!!

The new year is already a week and a day in the making, and what of it?

Before I start, please pray for me as I continue to work this ground.  My student (for whom I have been earnestly and unceasingly praying for) told me today that he decided to read the Bible through.  Please continue to pray for me and for him.  There's a burning in me which I can only read as a thirst for him to be able to taste and see the beauty of Christ.... 

I often speak in parables, but the truth demands itself to be told.  I wrote this in my journal a few nights ago.  The great controversy is raging and I feel it.  I see it.  I experience it.  After weeks of a spotty devotional life, I turned to God and I heard myself say, "Lord, help me.  You know I love You.  You know I love you..."

And the reply came clearly: "If you love me, keep my commandments." (John 14:15)

And there I lay, helpless and utterly taken away at the speed in which the answer was given and the message that it contained.   

I remembered the rich young ruler of the gospels.  Jesus told him, "if thou wilt enter into life, keep the commandments." (Matthew 19:17) 

The man's answer to Jesus' quoting the commandments was this: "All this I have kept from my youth up.  What lack I yet?" 

I was grieved, not because I have great possessions, but because I have none.  I cannot say "all this I have kept..."  My sins are ever before me.  My shortcomings, my deceit, my failures.  Like the young ruler, though, I understood that something was lacking. 

what. lack. I. yet?

Something was lacking.  I believe this account (not a parable) is the only documented instance in which a man turned down Christ's offer to his face.  Everyone else begged to be saved, and when Jesus asked if they believed, their answer was a resounding yes.  And this something that was lacking?  Self. 

Ouch.  Am I holding back the one thing that matters?  No, Lord...  no...  (actions speak louder than words...)

If you love me, keep my commandments.  This kind of commandment-keeping is so far from the legalistic kind.  It is the kind that sprouts out of the heart and houses birds and squirrels and spider monkeys.  It is the fountain which bursts out of the mouth in song, and is the balm of gilead to everyone around.

I asked my students today about salvation and the mind.  They concluded (after some discussion) that intentional wrongdoing would be judged.  (Did you know that Ellen White made a statement once that someone who had lost their mental faculties would be in Heaven based on who he was prior to the accident?  This was even while he was still alive...!)  I asked them if they were afraid of the judgment.  They said yes.  I asked them if that was the case, how come they are still doing the things they know would be judged?  There was quiet for a second and a girl in the back raised her hand.  "I guess it's because we don't take it seriously...  we don't think it's real." 

Judgment is not to be feared for those who fear God...  but for the rest?  It is unreal and irrelevant...  or at best, something that incites anger and resentment.  (Yes, I meant to say 'at best.') 

But as for me, I have my own resolutions.  I put this on a different post, but here it is in Xangaland...  I thank God for the opportunities He gives me and I just desperately pray that I will do my best with them.  I know that reformation starts with me.  With a praying me. 

Let me love as God loves, let my heart and conscience be clear. Let me be generous with my time and kind to those who need my time. Let me see as God sees, let me act instead of react, let me be a master and not a slave of circumstance. Let forgive as I desire to be forgiven, and when there is a battle against pride, let me not be overcome.

This is my new years wish.