HNY from NYC herself...

(No, this isn't Times Square)

Preliminary reports state that exciting things are in store for '08.  God is ready to use.  And He is One who does not simply call the equipped...  He equips those He calls. 

Do you believe..?

As some of you know, I've been keeping a close eye on the Willow Creek "new way of doing church" movement.  Much has spawned from it, including New Start churches which are of particular interest to me because of reasons that are close to home. 

My initial foray into researching Willow Creek brought me to G.A. Pritchard's book, "Willow Creek Seeker Services" which I highly recommend to all those interested.  (Click here for my first post.) 

Recently, as some of you already know, Willow Creek (if we can speak of it as an entity) has submitted a statement that is pretty much summed up in these words: Oops. We were wrong.

This is pretty shocking in many ways, one of which is that CGMs (Church Growth Movements) have spawned as a result of Willow Creek's apparent successes. Countless youth pastors from many denominations have been sent to Chicago to learn "how to do church."   Now, perhaps, it's more likely that they've learned how not to do church. 

I'm appreciative and humbled, however, at the character of Bill Hybels.  I've only read positive things about him and am convinced of his sincerity and godliness...  (Oooh, I hear you out there...  we all know "the road to hell is paved with good intentions"...  hold your thoughts for a minute, please.)  I believe God is still using him, and that it takes a different breed of person to look his fame (and all that comes with it) in the eye and make a statement that would undoubtedly (and did) result in a bunch of "I-told-you-so's" from critics and a reverberating shock that would effect thousands (millions, perhaps?).  It's one thing to admit to a big group that you made small mistake.  It's another to confess to a huge group that you made a huge mistake.  I believe it displays a love for Christ and an understanding of the need to get the word out and save as many souls as possible...  I suppose he could've quietly shifted his tactics and no one would've been wiser: he could've introduced a "new wave" without ever acknowledging error...  let's keep this man in our prayers.   

I've listed a bunch of links below which you can peruse as you please.  One of them likens this to the Spock debacle (if you don't know this word, look it up!) where the good doctor convinced a generation of parents to utilize a kinder, milder, softer approach to discipline: no discipline because it stunts a child's development.  Before his death, however, Dr. Spock admitted too, that he was wrong: "We have reared a generation of brats...  we didn't realize until too late..."  Perhaps we are still suffering the consequences of that... 

Behind most of the newfangled church ideas is this same idea: numbers, numbers, numbers.  It's about church growth.  It's become business-oriented, complete with number-crunching, profit analysis, supply-demand chains, and marketing. 

There has to be a better way. 

http://blog.christianitytoday.com/outofur/archives/2007/10/willow_creek_re.html   
http://opentheword.org/content/view/496/32/
http://www.adventistreview.org/article.php?id=1513 
http://www.adventistreview.org/article.php?id=1512 
http://simplyagape.blogspot.com/2007/12/more-rick-warren-connections-to-nar-and.html

...a Lot Like Christmas

I can scarcely believe it's that time of year again.  I can scarcely believe that this month marks the 5th month of this job.  I can scarcely believe the chain of events that led me here.  Not just here as in my job, my apartment, and my tactical locations, but here as in spiritually here.  Here as in the heart-sense.  These are miracles to me. 

I understand this faith that can move mountains now.  I understand how a faith as small as a mustard seed can rearrange the entire topography of a person so the mountains are made low and the valleys are exalted, and the way is made straight and plain. 

In my life, there came a point where there were mountains risen up between me and God.  Not just one mountain.  A whole mountain range.  And I admired it's beauty but lamented it at the same time.  It was a choice.   

And then came faith.  It was small.  Quite indeed mustard-seed caliber.  But it was enough.  It was much more than enough.  It was so much more.  And the mountain ranges obeyed the call of faith and hurled themselves into the sea.  And there they remain... 

The greatest evidence of God in my own life is that I can now see past the rocky ridges that had risen up and taken root in my heart.  I can see horizons that I never knew existed.  And in the place of the crags are soft plains and well-tilled soil, begging for the seeds of God's word to be buried deep and cultivated. 

When Christ is born in someone's soul, it's a beautiful thing.  It's life-altering.  It synchronizes philosophies and worldviews and there is great evidence of change.  This is Christmas in the soul.  And it isn't limited to a month in the calendar anymore. 

Thanking God again and praying that His Spirit will come upon those I love... and hoping all of you have a Green Christmas in the soul. 

Merry Christmas, Xanga friends. 

Today was not so good.

But like I told my student who did what he could to cheer me up (ah, I love my job), in the grand scheme of things, this doesn't scratch the surface of what a REALLY bad day could've been.  I'm ok.  Just tired.  Exhausted.  Spent.  What do you expect from having to go to school on a Sunday?  Well.  How about having terrible meetings (count: four of them)? 

All day today.  Spent.  Done.  Gone.  Completely poured out for these kids.  We're all starting to suffer here.  The students, the staff, even the weather.  And believe me, I had better things to do today.  But it was so necessary that I be here...  sigh. 

Yeah.  Compound that with a stress headache and you've got recipe for disaster.  But throw in a student who cares and suddenly...  suddenly things are bearable again.  And here I was thinking that I was the only one who had something to offer...  as I've mentioned earlier on this blog, I've found that the laboring towards the salvation of others is reciprocated, no matter how discouraging it can be sometimes, and perhaps precisely because it is so discouraging sometimes.

And sometimes, no amount of happy thoughts or reminders can dispel the cloud that hangs overhead.  Often, it's not the past which encourages me, but the future.  So here's to the future.  (And vacation in just 2 short days.) 

Two Bible verses I've been clinging to these past few:

"Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in Thee."  Isaiah 26:3

"...when the enemy shall come like a flood, the LORD shall lift up a standard against him."  Isaiah 59:19

And as always, I can count on Isaiah to lift me up as he's been doing ever since God drew me back to Him... 

Dear brothers and sisters in this world of Xanga, I need your prayers.  This school needs your prayers.  I need more than any earthly person can give me...  the task is so big, so daunting, so tremendous, and I am so frustratingly unworthy of it.  Completely and totally incapable.  It makes me want to run.  But where is there to go? 

Sometimes I think I hang on only because I thrive on challenges.  Other times I know it's purely supernatural and I have nothing to do with it. 

Wisdom.  I understand Solomon and his cry for wisdom more and more each day.  I only wish I can have that kind of wisdom. 

Been learning about Saul and David this week during devotions.  God can do great things even when we are little in our own eyes...  even when we are so small...

Well, it's 9:15 pm, or just about, and I got home just a little over 15 minutes ago.  Score.  (We had staff meeting.)  Honestly, though, I am feeling less and less guilty about coming home before 7 (see prev post.)  Most of the time.  (The times when I don't remember the loads of things I can be--and should be--doing. 

There was a mall shooting in Omaha, Nebraska today.  Some of my students chucked and wondered who lived in Omaha.  I told them no one heard of our town either, but it would matter if it were us on TV.  And yes, there so are malls in Nebraska.  Lots of other stuff, I'm sure, although evidence is scant on this topic.  Someone said at lunch today that the angels are slowly letting loose the four winds.  That sent a shiver up my spine.  Not because the winds were cold. 

We had about 3 inches of snow, with barely 1 inch accumulation in some areas.  The local elementary schools closed.  People were asking about snow delays.  Pish.  I tell them that the snowflakes in MI can knock you out.  This?  This is nothing. 

I noticed something interesting lately: I find myself using some really lame phrases multiple times during the day.  (Sleep deprivation?)  One of my most-used phrases is: "Show me the money."  Granted, Jerry McGuire really overplayed that bit, and most people stopped realizing what that meant.  It means that promises of money are nothing: I want visible, tangible, in-my-hand, take-it-to-the-bank-or-spend-it-at-Target money.  Because most of the students that look at me from across the desk tell me "I'm going to," or, "It will go up," or "I'm working on it," or the like.  I want to see the grades NOW.  Not just the promise of it.  What do I do about them?  Maybe another post. 

But these things make me think.  Running along the very common thread I have here about God being the Ultimate Special Educator for his confuzzled and helpless kids...  I wonder what kinds of excuses He hears from us.  "I'm tired." "I just don't feel like it right now." "I'll do better, I promise... tomorrow" 

What if God wants us to show Him the money?  Like, right NOW?  I mean, when God said He loved us, He definitely showed us the money.  He dumped out the wealth of Heaven onto this trash heap of a planet.  His name is Wonderful.  His words are true and just. 

And ours?  Promises like ropes of sand.  Like morning mist.  Translucent, transient, and often completely useless.  Sometimes I think if I had the money to show, I'd show it.  But that too, is an excuse.  We have gifts given us daily.  Life, liberty, talents, speech, intellect, social circles, communication, faith.  All of us have something.  The widow just had her mite, but she showed God the money.  And she is remembered for eternity because of it.   

Speaking of sleep debt, I do think I'm coming close to making up for my lack of sleep (it's possible; talk to me for details.)  Too bad my student loan debt isn't as pleasantly (or easily) repaid. 

Marana tha. 

It's gotten to the point where I feel guilty if I leave school before 7pm or before the parking lot has cleared.  There's some odd pleasure I experience when I see Beannie sitting out there waiting for me...  all by himself.  That is, on the days I drive to school. 

The initial rush has finally subsided and things are starting to shift into cruise control.  Things are pretty set, the office is running, I know almost all the students by their first, last, and sometimes even middle names, and how most of them are doing in school.  I have surrogate sons and daughters, and student notes, drawings, and tags on my office whiteboard.  I know some teacher extension numbers without looking at the directory anymore, and can speed-punch in my 12-digit long distance passcode by memory.  I don't spend hours on lesson plans anymore and I know my students are actually learning things.   

But with all these gains, there are some things I'm losing.  Like my edge.  I'm starting to get too comfortable, less always-professional, and less meticulous. So what?  Yeah.  I suppose these are things I can even afford to cut back on.  But with comfort comes self-reliance, and with self-reliance comes self-sufficiency.  And with self-sufficiency comes losses: loss of the constant and desperate clinging to God, loss of devotional and prayer time with my students during personal meetings, and loss of humility and self-sacrifice. 

These are losses I can't afford.  And I won't afford them. 

It's an easy feeling being in a Christian institution.  There's protection, trust, a throwing down of walls.  But even so, there are some things I believe everyone should always be vigilant about.  I feel this way particularly because I believe there are precious cargo that has been put into my charge, mixed in with even other precious cargo which need to be led and blessed and safely guided because they have not yet met the Father. 

I don't want an easy life.  (DId I just say that?)  No...  I don't.  I don't want an easy life.  I didn't come here just to make friends, have fun, and refine the craft of teaching.  I don't want to be here just for that...  I desperately don't.  And yet comfort, like deep slumber, is starting to swallow me. 

I don't want to be the prophets (like in Ezekiel 13) who prophesied peace where there was no peace, or the prophets who conceded to the requests of the people (like in Isaiah 30) to speak only smooth things.  There are things eternal at stake.  I know it. 

This doesn't mean I'm going to spurn the blessings I believe has been given.  Diligence doesn't imply the absence of joy which is definitely bountiful.  I laugh every day and there are many opportunities for mentoring and relationship-building.  There is so much to be thankful for, so much to love, so many blessings. 

I read today that the best way to combat discouragement is to praise God. 

It works. 

Draw me nearer, nearer, nearer blessed Lord...

I have two reoccurring nightmares, except they’re not technically nightmares since they happen during the day, and when I’m not sleeping.  (OK, so they're not nightmares.  They're not daydreams, either, or naptime hallucinations.  I don't take naps.  And actually, there are three, but I'll only share two.)  They’re not like visions or imageries, but visualizations of what I’m experiencing.  (Maybe that caters to me being a visual learner?)  Details aside, these imaginings are well reflective of my state of being at that time.  Let me share them. 

One of these ‘visualizations’ is that I’m fighting a huge blob, and every one of my punches or attacks are fruitlessly absorbed into this gelatinous mound of an enemy.  What’s worse, my flailings seem to draw me deeper and deeper into it: the more I fight, the more it seems to win.  But there is no alternative, no exit, no other way... and to give up means certain loss. 

The other visualization I get from time to time is that I am a worker trying to fill a deep hole.  I find rocks or make impressive-looking boulders to throw into the abyss, only to discover that there is a black hole at the base of this hole, or that the depth is so cavernous that there might as well be a black hole at the end of it.  I get the distinct impression that I am throwing pebbles into the sea to try to plug it. 

The latter situation is what came to mind today.  And as I sit here and wonder about it, I realize that both of these situations reflect the feeling of helplessness.  Sometimes I feel that any attempt I make, no matter how well-intentioned, are met by a flood which wipes it away.  All my lessons, talks, prayers, and relationships with these students are being overwhelmed by music, television, dealings with the opposite sex, personal problems, and anything else the devil throws at them.  And yet I doggedly persist, ignoring the yawning hole with the tenacious hope that perhaps things aren’t as they seem… 

And I am reminded of this verse found in Jeremiah 59:19 “So shall they fear the name of the LORD from the west, and His glory from the rising of the sun.  When the enemy shall come in like a flood, the Spirit of the LORD shall lift up a standard against him.” 

And perhaps I am the servant of Elisha in 2 Kings 6, and need to be reminded that I should “fear not, for they that be with us is more than they that be with them. (v.16)”  O Lord, open my eyes, that I may see the mountains full of horses and chariots of fire… 

 No, it wasn't a particlarly bad day today.  Staff meeting which always drains me when we bring up certain subjects.  Student dilemma which needed immediate attention.  But I think the no-break thing is starting to wear upon my system.  It's taking it's toll and I'm tired, no doubt.  But these past few nights I've fallen asleep with the thought: "I can't wait to go back to school tomorrow!"  And that thought is on my mind tonight.  I can't wait to go to school again.   

Masochism at it's best...

I just need to tell someone...  anyone...  RIGHT NOW about how great our God is.  I can't suppress it at the moment, so I want to tell the world, to anyone who sees these words...  How great is our God! 

I am thinking of Psalm 139 right now.
I am completely in awe of God. 
I am humbled and yet so excited and yet so awestruck at His watchcare over me.
I am certain that there is nothing that is too costly to give for His sake. 
Who am I compared to Him?  I am irrepressibly poured out, and pouring out. 

His ways are perfect.

How precious also are thy thoughts unto me, O God! how great is the sum of them! (v.17)

Thus ends my cryptic and yet exultant praise to Him who rules Heaven and Earth, and yet has His hand on a humble child in a humble town facing some humbling situations. 

Fall on your knees...  hear the angel voices... 
O night Divine...  when Heaven touched Earth without storm
Or shattered rocks...  and yet listen: the soft sound of the breaking
Of stony hearts being made into flesh... 

For You, I will.

Another long day today.  Sabbath could not have come at a better time.  I'm exhausted but still happy.  These past few evenings were supposed to be dedicated to preparing for my self-imposed audit on Monday.  This (not surprisingly) didn't happen.  Instead, the past few evenings were spent talking with students who happened to hang out at the library long after it had closed, just getting to know each other, answering some deep questions, and letting myself wax philosophical and witness when the opportunity presented. 

It still scares me, you know.  This whole teaching process.  Today I put down my power point clicker and said, "You know, it's more important for me that you guys get the ideas behind this than for me to finish this lecture."  So for the remainder of the period, we talked about object lessons (they are more than just the book), world views, philosophies, religions, and what classical conditioning (yes, in the Pavlov and the dogs vein) had to do with free will, the Great Controversy, and our power of choice.  It was amazing.  I didn't get past my first slide.  But I think some of them had something click inside.  O God, I can only leave it to You... 

Sometimes I wish I had a prayer cubby or something I can run away to..  somewhere I can hide and pray, or rest, or at least let myself close my eyes for a while.  My office is in a high traffic area, and as much as I like (and need) this, it's rare that I get a period of time just for me...  (This includes prep time.)  I can't say that I miss the 'me time' in the middle of the day, but I think it's taxing my body regardless.  Maybe I'll have to find this cubby somewhere. 

I'm not sure why I found Academialand so distressing.  Perhaps it was just bad timing.  Perhaps it was my wilderness experience.  (We talked about that too today in the context of Classical Conditioning.  Joyous!!)  Perhaps it was just my personality and my need to work.  But all in all, I'm glad I did it.  Academialand and I have reconciled, perhaps not to the degree that I will ever return to it or feel sentimental about, but I am confident now that it needed to happen and I am glad I did it.  I  would not be half the teacher I am if it hadn't been for what I learned in (but mostly out) of Academialand classrooms. 

And thanks to God who has given me students who continue to save me as I strive to save them.

And thanks to God from the resounding depths of my soul that I'm finally able to do some integration of faith and learning.  I am amazed.

I thought I'd pound this entry out now before the feeling evaporates. 

It was a long day in School Valley today.  Lesson of the Day: in hindsight, skipping lunch may not have been the best idea...  seemed ok at the time.  Some days I can make it just fine, but today my body was starting to complain and my stomach was making odd noises which didn't go away with the usual tricks.  By the end of the day, I forced myself to go home early so I can recover.  Early meaning close to 6. 

These were one of those days when I'm not as pumped as I make myself out to be on this site.  Nevertheless, it was not altogether a bad day.  There are some people who really make my day, and as long as they're there, I am happy.  These people happen to be my students, so I'm assuming I'm set for the rest of the school year.   

With that said, I need a vacation.  I haven't had a decent break since...  well, since I started.  There were "vacations" but these were spent cleaning house, unpacking, or going to conferences.  I need to leave this State.  Soon.  Not that I don't like this place. 

But as I left, I realized I was muttering to myself (which unfortunately is not altogether unusual.)  The unusual part was what I was muttering.  And unfortunately, it was audible enough to hear.  Which is ok since I pretty much let it all hang out.  Sometimes it helps to mutter.  I'm setting up a self-imposed audit on myself with the deadline being Monday morning (I'm not crazy; this audit coincides with a visit from some very important people), and today all the network printers were down.  My labels were sticking in the machines.  I was experiencing technical difficulties left and right.  My students were upset about an administrative decision and I was picking up the pieces while defending, upholding, and trying to get them to understand the school.  That part was pretty exhausting, but I think I managed cleanup ok. 

But yeah.  Today was tough.  But not tough enough.  Boo-yah.  Bring it on, tough days, bring it on...  ahem.  I hope that wasn't too loud.